You know those times in life where something is done for you in a way that’s even better than if you’d tried to do it yourself? Like you’re about to break up with someone when they announce they have to move away, or you decide to quit your job on the same day you get downsized with a sweet-ass severance package? Well that’s what happened to me today when the internet informed me that Justin Bieber has a new car, and it’s leopard-printed. Yeah yeah, you heard that right. Bieber’s new automobile wears the coat of an exotic animal, and that animal is the majestic leopard.
It’s just such a gift from the blog-gods (via Bob Blog-God’s Tog Logs, a deity-run site that keeps track of what people and cars are wearing) that I almost don’t know what to do with it. Even if I were doing a made-up nonsense post about Justin, I wouldn’t have the nerve to write him into a leopard-print Audi. That’s just him taking the Justin Bieber caricature to a whole new level. Maybe he’s gearing up for space?
And just when I thought the
MadLib news couldn’t get more exciting, I find out that Justin parked said exotic carbeast AT MILEY CYRUS‘ HOUSE. Oh my god I hope they had sexy-sex. There is no better news in the world than Justin and Miley spending time together, because they are both the world’s most outrageous people. Plus it would involve the public scorning of such America’s Sweethearts as Liam Hemsworth and Selena Gomez!This is the kind of story that we literally salivate over in the office. I think it was just yesterday that Jenni and I were daydreaming about the blogging potential of such a union. You couldn’t keep those two off social media — can you imagine the tweets?! And the twerks?! And the revenge cleavage?! And the swag?!
Oh my god, I’m getting lightheaded. I think I need to lie down.