Sometimes in life there exists someone whose existence is so fabled and magical that you feel like they are a mirage sent just to be a hero for you. You assume they don’t have their own likes and dislikes or any kind of life struggles, because that would be confusing and disruptive to the shimmering image of them that you hold in your brain. Amy Poehler is that person to me, which is perhaps why it’s so emotionally devastating that it seems like she really is dating Nick Kroll. They were rumored to be dating each other a couple months ago, but I refused to believe it was true until I got word over the ever-reliable internet today that they made their public debut at AFI’s Lifetime Achievement Award tribute to Mel Brooks yesterday in Los Angeles. There are even pictures and stuff. Sigh.
I should be clear. It’s not that I don’t like Nick Kroll or want Amy to be happy; I do like him, and I want her happiness very much! Not enough to show up at her house with a homemade love cake and a pair of pruning shears to await my imminent hospitalization or anything, but definitely more than I should, considering we’ve never met each other. The real source of my discomfort is that I just don’t want to imagine that Amy ever has to struggle at life at all, and what is dating if not struggling? TRUST ME LOL I’M IN MY TWENTIES ROFLMAO. I was devastated enough when she and Will Arnett broke up last year, simultaneously crushing my belief in love and destroying my secret dream of ever having a threesome with them, and I just want things to go great for Amy from now on. Or maybe I want things to go great for myself, and I’m just projecting on Amy. Because it seems like she really has her shit together. Congratulations on the new relationship, and I’ll try to be more forgiving from now on about you performing the basic functions of a human being (e.g. sleeping, eating, dating) and not a mirage.
(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)