Welp, I have officially never seen anything like the fight that happened on the new episode of The Real World: Portland last night. I was still laboring under the cheerful delusion that you weren’t allowed to beat people up on a reality show and stay to chat about it in confessional, but apparently that was wildly naive of me because Nia ended the episode still in the house. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.
Basically this whole thing started over Averey‘s dog Daisy pooping all over the house, so we started the episode with a lot of establishing shots of Daisy being a pill and being unwilling to walk outside with Johnny in the rain. Basically I think the weather is gross, and these two are in their twenties and in love with each other, so taking the dog out isn’t a priority.
Speaking of priorities, Jessica spent this episode making purity one of hers. After her breakup with Tyler last week, Jess decided to recommit herself to her celibacy, electing to wait until marriage to have sex again, in hopes that it makes her less obsessive about guys. She also elects to tell everyone in the house about her decision, because this is still Jess, and she still thrives on attention. Marlon is into her decision, because he’s religious and pretty committed to that idea himself (with a few slip-ups), and Nia is on board as long as Jess is happy, but Anastasia is really against it and has no problem vocalizing it. After Jess comes back from the mall with a literal purity ring and some crazy eyes for her confessional, Ana sits down with her and says the exact sentence, “I personally don’t think I can like you.” Anastasia thinks the way that Jessica is behaving is an act, to get attention (duh), and thinks highly enough of herself that she feels she needs to sit Jess down and tell her so. Good, I’m glad no one’s doing anything for attention around here. We’re all very calm and rational.
Everyone except Nia and Jess go fishing, and while they’re away getting Daisy all filthy in the mud and water, Nia accidentally steps in a pile of dog shit in the confessional room. She freaks out and tracks it all over the house on her way to the shower, and refuses to clean it up because it’s not her dog. When the rest of the roommates get home, they start fighting over who should clean up the poop smears, which are still everywhere. Johnny feels particularly strongly about it, and is yelling at Nia. He starts out making some good points, but gets frustrated when he makes no headway and starts getting pretty insulting. I’m inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, though, just because it was so adorable watching him cleaning Daisy in the shower. He really cares about the dog, and about Averey, and it bothers him that Nia doesn’t take responsibility for Daisy even though she has no problem enjoying all the good things about her.
Bird tries to interject on the argument, telling Johnny and Averey that it’s stupid to fight over a turd, but Johnny is too pissed, and he ends up yelling at Bird to butt out. Yeah, you got yelled at, but that’s no reason to sit in the living room and SOB like you’re doing. You need to pull it together, girl. I used to like you. The new rule is that Nia isn’t allowed to play with Daisy or interact with her at all, if she’s gonna take such a hard line on the “she’s not my dog” thing. It’s harsh, yeah, but it does make sense.
The fight should have stopped there, but this is The Real World and Nia is insane, so it didn’t. She keeps going out of her way to taunt Averey and Johnny, holding Daisy in the confessional and saying she’s the queen and the other two are pawns. When she comes home and finds Daisy made a mess, she makes more of it for Averey and Johnny to clean up. This girl is a terror.
The next morning, when Johnny and Averey are sleeping, Nia comes into their room, turns on all the lights, and starts calling Daisy. When she gets called out on it, she says, “I’m not her owner, but she’s my dog.” Averey is ignoring her as much as she can, but Johnny gets involved in an argument, which escalates into Nia beating the shit out of him. Like he’s just covering his head, and Nia is attacking him. It takes Jordan and Marlon to pull her off of him, and he never fought back because she’s a girl and he’s a guy. Again, that should’ve been the end of it, just leave each other alone, but Nia goes and gets HER HAIRDRYER and starts beating Johnny with that when he comes out of the bathroom. This gets Averey involved, and the two of them are throwing serious punches at each other while Jordan and Johnny try to pull them apart. This is a legit fight, and my money is honestly on Averey, but Johnny is actually able to calm her down, even as Nia throws a drink at her. He’s telling her to just take it, which is actually good advice I think, because Nia is crazy, and then NIa comes out of NOWHERE while Averey is putting on makeup in the mirror and just whacks the shit out of the back of her head.
And that’s where the episode ends. Honestly I have no idea how they’re able to put this on television, but you better believe I’ll be watching the finale next week. Oh holy crap.