Finally, finally, the plot of this Miguel story is thickening the way I assumed it would when I first saw him crotch-slam a girl on the Billboard Music Awards last month. There I was, sitting on my couch live-blogging the ceremony, when I saw him soar through the air with the greatest of ease, until he crash-landed on someone’s neck and caused the human body to do things that no human body is supposed to do outside of Cirque du Soleil. I was honestly nervous in that moment that the girl might not have survived, mostly because the spine is not specifically designed to be snapped in half by a leaping pop star. But after pausing for the world record shortest amount of time to assess whether his airborn murder attempt had been successful, Miguel kept singing, so I guess he wasn’t too worried about it. And then somehow, against all odds, this woman Khyati Shah was not only alive, but standing next to Miguel and smiling, demonstrating motion in in the neck and head that had been so recently driven stage-ward by his judo-crotch.
All seemed miraculously well, with concern tweeted and retweeted by Miguel and the BBMAs, respectively, which is of course the proper response when someone is almost brained by one of your performers during a live show, until SUDDENLY. Khyati revealed that she actually has some medical issues after all, having discovered when the shock wore off that she is not, in fact, made of spaghetti bones. She and her lawyers are talking about a lawsuit, and all of a sudden the BBMA producers can’t distance themselves from the event quickly enough. Now that it’s been over two weeks, we’re starting to get some details about just who thinks they should be responsible in The Curious Case Of The Flying Miguel. Spoiler alert: no one.
According to the BBMA people, Miguel came to producers before the performance and asked if he could jump from stage to stage during the show. They, possessing the power of foresight, responded, “No, maybe we don’t do dangerous and unnecessary flying leaps over the audience today. Maybe some other day we do that, or maybe never.” But Miguel has the spirit of a
stallion flying squirrel, and he cannot be tamed, so he allegedly elected to do it anyway, with now-familiar results. In light of the fact that Khyati is considering a lawsuit, this just became a very important conversation, as it removes liability from the show’s producers and places it clearly on Miguel’s shoulders. Where he should be extra careful with it, because everyone knows that human shoulders are extremely vulnerable to crotch attacks.