I was nervous that I would get all the way to the end of the day today without being intimidated by January Jones‘ physical perfection, but I needn’t have worried because it’s barely 4:00 and it sneaked in with a full hour to spare before I go home and drown myself in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and despair. January has a new movie being released today in the United Kingdom called Sweetwater, about an ex-prostitute and young bride in the late 1800s who takes revenge after her new husband is murdered by a religious fanatic. The movie is set in New Mexico, and January dyed her normally blond hair red for the role, but you don’t really care about any of that, do you? Nope! I’m betting all you care about is the fact that January goes topless for it.
Which she does, to great effect. I saw the pictures, and I’m pleased to announce that January Jones’ breasts are just as intimidating as you’d expect them to be. I don’t mean like, ‘take your lunch money in the hall’ intimidating (because that would be ultra weird, guys), but I do mean intimidating in a, ‘well you’re a pretty nearly perfect specimen, aren’t you? I bet you have perfect — yup, you do, because of course you do’ kind of way.
January’s character Sarah goes through the film pretty much exacting vengeance on any and every man who has ever wronged her, which apparently in this case involves quite a lot of taking off your shirt, perhaps for luring purposes, before plugging said gentlemen up with bullets in their head holes. You know, as you do. For my part, as much as I can admire her chesticles, I can’t help but be nervous for January to play a part that isn’t Betty Draper on Mad Men. I did see X Men: First Class, after all, a movie in which January was too stiff and cold to play a character MADE OF DIAMONDS with the word ‘frost’ in her name. That’s cold, ya’ll.
The film also stars Jason Isaacs as the religious fanatic, and Ed Harris as the ‘renegade Sheriff Jackson’ and will be released in the United States…sometime not today. IMDB is being withholding.
(Image: Caroline Torem Craig / WENN.com)