Double bad news for ladies who were hoping to embark on a relationship with Michael Fassbender and his
penis charming personality. Not only does it look like Michael is romancing a new lady, but she can totally beat you in a race. Or catch you if you try to stash Michael in your handbag and run off with him. If that were possible. Her name is Louise Hazel, and she’s a British Olympian. Not only an Olympian, but a heptathlete. That’s more than just a trigger for spell check; it’s also a type of athlete who participates in heptathlons. Don’t worry, I’m getting there. A heptathlon is a sport involving seven track and field events, like hurdles and 200-meter runs. If you came to this article to find out what a heptathlete is, I can direct you to the Wikipedia page. But if you came here for Michael Fassbender, allow me to elaborate.
Sources confirmed to Us Weekly that Michael is dating Louise. They were seen in London hanging out with Bradley Cooper last weekend. The fact that Bradley Cooper and Michael Fassbender were standing closer than a mile to each other was already enough information to set the world ablaze in the fires of scruffy male hotness. But when you add in the information that Michael was with a new lady, those delighted female squeals start to turn into bloodcurdling screams. I can hear it right now, can’t you?
“They are dating,” a source says of Fassbender and Hazel. “Michael has been talking to her while also filming X-Men: Days of Future Past in Montreal. He comes back to London to see her.”
Maybe Michael is taking a page out of his pal Bradley’s book by dating a younger woman (he’s 36, she’s 27) with a vaguely fictional-sounding name. I mean, at least “Louise Hazel” doesn’t make me think of a book/television series I’ve never even read/seen, like Suki Waterhouse does, but it still kind of sounds like a Dickens character.
So sorry, ladies, but it looks like you’ve got another obstacle standing between you and Michael
‘s penis. And even though she came in 27th place at the 2012 London Olympics, Louise could still probably beat you in any number of track and field activities (that number is seven). We non-heptathletes just don’t stand a chance.
(Photo: Ringo, PacificCoastNews.com)