Up until this morning, I assumed that every single living actress (plus Audrey Hepburn) had been thrown in the casting pool for the role of Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey. And then I realized we somehow hadn’t discussed Lindsay Lohan yet. Which is weird because she did such a splendid job portraying Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime Original Atroci-movie, Liz & Dick. Graveyard insiders say that Elizabeth Taylor spun over 6+ times throughout the course of the movie. And I’m pretty sure that’s equivalent to a 5-star review in any major newspaper or large family newsletter.
For those of you who aren’t aware, Fifty Shades of Grey is the first movie in Hollywood’s history that appears to be casting via process of elimination. Rather than having people come in for an audition, the process merely consists of fans suggesting a person, that person politely declining the role and the fans moving on to the next person. Producers think that if they continue along with this method, they should have it cast in time for it to premiere around Thanksgiving 2017 — just in time for a whole new generation of girls to grow up, read the epic love story that swept our nation and develop extremely confusing feelings towards relationships with older, dominant men.
According to a friend (who is most definitely a friend because not-friends would never speak about a friend in rehab to the media), Linds knows that a role like this could rocket her back into the spotlight — for not-court-related reasons. It’s an entirely different spotlight.
“Lindsay needs a big high profile role. She needs to be part of a movie everyone wants to see and thinks ‘Fifty’ is a role she would be perfect for,” adds one friend. “She has read the book several times and knows this is a character that she can play. She wants to be part of something iconic, something that will live forever like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games. Now, she thinks she has found it.”
For anyone worried that LiLo’s on the wrong track, reread the quote. She gets the industry. Just like Harry Potter and the The Hunger Games, Fifty Shades of Grey will play on ABC Family until the end of time. So let’s all work together to make sure she gets the part of an innocent young woman on the cusp of discovering herself. Oh and may I nominate someone like Jon Gosselin for the role of Christian Grey? He also seems like a wonderfully perfect fit for this film. Can’t you see it now! Jon! Linds! A love story for the ages!