Is there some kind of seminar that Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally run to teach people how to have relationships exactly like theirs? Because if so, I wanna take it. The way that these two talk about each other and their relationship tickles my funny bone and warms my heart and twiddles my jealousy nerves all at the same time. It’s a magical sensation that feels kind of like sneezing while you’re eating a pie, but in a good way. Don’t worry about it.
Anyway, Vulture interviewed the two of them about their relationship, and I’m just so obsessed with them. They’re both so funny and irreverent yet loving and supportive of each other at the same time…it’s pretty much the greatest. Oh and there are lots of healthy joking references to anal sex, in case that’s your thing. WHICH I HOPE IT IS CAUSE BOTTOMS ARE TOPS.
Nick Offerman: Okay.
Megan Mullally: We’ve had a lot. Well, definitely first we need to decide if we’re going to answer these seriously or not. In case we are, we had a good one at the Hollywood Bowl.
Mullally: Where we performed anal sex in the stands.
Offerman: We were invited onstage where we performed anal sex to the “1812 Overture.” You can only imagine.
Mullally: With a fireworks display.
Offerman: Traditionally they use cannons —
Mullally: They used Nick as the cannon for this one.
Offerman: Sort of an explosion in the Hollywood Hills that evening.
Offerman: We were celebrating our nation’s independence.
And then they get a little more sentimental-like (although what’s more sentimental than anal, you know what I mean?) by talking about how even now they still can’t keep their hands off of each other in real life and describing their most recent date:
Mullally: We went to San Francisco. [...] We went to Chinatown and we wandered around and bought some little things for his nieces and godchildren. Then we went to dinner at a sushi restaurant. I commented that every time he and I go to dinner together, which we don’t get to do often because we’re so freaking busy, we start really talking about life and how lucky we are and the future and I invariably start crying. He says, “Yup, that’s true, glad you said it.” I get so excited and happy that I have tears rolling down my face and he has to get his handkerchief out and give it to me. I have to try to pretend like I’m not crying because there are other people there. It’s pretty consistent.
Offerman: It’s consistently touching.
I. Love. This. Can I just be in this relationship please? Or have one of my own that’s exactly identical? It’s just so wonderful and heartwarming and perfect. Although I’d be fine if we could hold the coyote-observed cunnilingus and have the anal sex on the side. I’m just not sure I’m quite there yet.
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