So according to a video that’s floating around the interweb today, Morgan Freeman allegedly fell asleep during a Seattle TV news interview for his upcoming movieÂ Now You See Me. While it would be incrediblyÂ entertaining if that did happen, it’s just not the case. He was simply resting his eyes. His brain was fully alert. Why, I bet he was doingÂ mathematicsÂ equationsÂ in that wide-awake head of his while his co-star Michael Caine droned on and on and on about their movie. It’s a movie about magicians who rob banks, a tale as old as time. How did theseÂ newsÂ anchors even have so many questions about it? You’ve seen one magical crime movie, you’ve seen them all.
You know how I know the difference between sleeping and resting one’s eyes? I’ve been in close proximity to eye-resters many times throughout my life. Take Rachel in 4th grade for example. She always came over for sleepovers and always got weirdly quiet around 2 A.M, just when I was in the middle of recounting my favoriteÂ Boy Meets WorldÂ moments to her. And I’d be like “Rachel, Raaacchheeelll, are you asleep?” and Rachel would be all like “who? me? no? just resting my eyes,” and I’d say cool and continue on my countdown. Â I promise you, there’s no way Rachel could fall asleep while I debated the pros and cons of Topanga going to a made-up college for Cory’s sake.
So yeah guys, before you start spreading salacious stories about Morgan Freeman –a man who’s second in line to take God’s job should he ever retire and pass over Justin Bieber for the position– remember that he wasn’t really sleeping. Like many old men who you may call “grandpa” and pop-culture-insensitive-fourth-graders before him, he was merely resting his eyes.