Alright Brad Pitt, you won, okay? You won the breakup with Jennifer Aniston. You’re one half of the most beautiful and sought-after relationship in Hollywood, you’re surrounded by your six beautiful children, and eight years later, the media is still throwing around words like ‘childless’, ‘alone’, and ‘heartbroken’ to describe Jen. It shouldn’t have been a contest, but it ended up that way…so stop acting like such a sore winner. You guys have remained remarkably cordial so far, considering the media fascination, so Bradley darling, why why WHY are you opening up now, talking about what a waste of time your life was back then?
‘For a long time I thought I did too much damage – drug damage. I was a bit of a drifter. A guy who felt he grew up in something of a vacuum and wanted to see things, wanted to be inspired. I followed that other thing. I spent years fucking off. But then I got burnt out and felt that I was wasting my opportunity. It was a conscious change. This was about a decade ago. It was an epiphany.’
Buddy…come on! I’m a cognitive human being, I can do simple math. What was going on in Brad’s life ten years ago? Oh I know, he was married to Jennifer Aniston! Who is probably pretty miffed in this moment, as her marriage was just described as a period of being ‘burnt out’ and ‘fucking off’. So romantic. But isn’t there anything else you could say to shine a worse light on Jennifer and a better light on Angelina Jolie? Maybe have your longtime make-up artist Jean Black say a few words?
“I think Brad was ready to soar when he met Angie. This is not to say anything negative about Jennifer. I was part of that and I know that he and Jen are very good friends and he cared deeply for her. But in Angie he saw a very adventurous person who was grabbing onto life and taking it to it’s nth degree. It was intriguing as I felt Brad had that in him and wanted to unleash it.”