• Tue, May 21 2013

7 Of The Bachelor‘s Unintentional Funniest Moments

Sean Lowe pecs GIF The Bachelor

As you may or may not know, a little something called The Bachelor Special: Funniest Moments is airing tonight on ABC. In theory it’s all the funniest things that have ever happened on The Bachelor, just in time to whip up hype for the new season of The Bachelorette with Desiree Hartsock, but I find myself a little dubious. After all, this is a network that still puts The Bachelor on the air and pretends that it leads to long-term, loving, committed marriages 100% of the time. Now there’s a funny moment.

So since I’m not totally convinced that ABC is self-aware enough to know what’s actually funny about its show, I’ve put together a little collection of my own, of what I think are the show’s funniest moments. Uninentional, of course — just what The Bachelor does best. Oh and they’re only from this past season with Sean Lowe, season 17, because that’s the first one I’ve watched in a long time because it was never my job before. Hey you know, self-awareness comes with a price, and sometimes that price is not being up-to-date on seventeen seasons of The Bachelor. SORRY NOT SORRY. The Bachelor 50 Shades of Grey1. OH HEY 50 Shades Of Grey-obsessed contestant. Are you ready to awkwardly introduce yourself to Sean by pulling a tie out of your cleavage and asking him to show you how to use it later? Because I am ready for that, and a thousand more of those bemused looks that Sean is rocking. Also bonus points if you commence drinking immediately and proceed to get rip-roaring drunk at the cocktail party. The Bachelor long kiss Season 172. SEAN IS NOT GOOD AT KISSING. This is something I’ve learned through careful surveillance of two season. So why why WHY would we ever give him the challenge to break the world record for ‘Longest Televised Kiss’? He and Lesley just stood in place mashing their faces together for forever. Absolutely zero romance. It was terrible and wonderful all at the same time. The Bachelor roller derby fall3. If you ever need a place to take your lady companions on a ten-person date, look no further than the roller derby rink! It’s a really good idea to pit romantic rivals with wheels on their feet against each other. What could go wrong?

Ashley Yenter on The Bachelor with Sean Lowe wearing wedding dress4. HI HELLO Ashley Yenter, perhaps you’d like to GET OUT OF THE LIMO already wearing a wedding dress? That’s not weird at all, I’m sure you won’t last until the final two. Oh wait, you did? That’s hilarious.

5. Another item in the list of ‘Good Ideas I’m Surprised No One Has Ever Thought Of Before’ is to do a double back handspring out of the car while wearing a form-fitting floor-length dress. Once again, nothing could possibly go wrong. Except for everything. A for effort, Robyn.

6. Oh Tierra. You old beast, you. Without question the craziest girl on the show this year, or maybe any year. Just to recap: she has no control over her eyebrows, don’t you dare try to dim her sparkle, and crying on camera never gets any less mesmerizing. Also watch out for flights of stairs and/or cold water.

7. And finally, here are some things that ABC thinks are funny: The Bachelor blooper reel. It includes girls being traumatized by bugs, aggressive boom mic-ing, and Sean being incapable of driving a stick shift.

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    I really need to start watching this show.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I’ll warn you — it’s large portions of your life you’ll never get back.

  • Lia Beck

    Oh god I saw that tie pulled out of the bosom part. Ughhh so awkward and horrible