• Fri, May 17 - 5:05 pm ET

The Great Gatsby Reminds James Franco Of Finger-Blasting

James Franco attending LA premiere of Spring Breakers March 2013It’s here! The moment is finally here! I kept wondering when James Franco would release another performance art…I mean movie review. That’s weird that I said that, right? What is it about James Franco’s movie reviews that would make me think of performance art? OH I KNOW BECAUSE THEY’RE RIDICULOUS. I don’t know what the point is of having James write reviews for movies, other than the fact that he so clearly wants to intrude upon every possible creative outlet, whether he has business there or not. (See for reference: 2011 Oscars.) Previously, he’s love-jizzed all over Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond The Pines, and now he’s turning his attentions to The Great Gatsby. Might want to change into something you don’t mind getting a little sloppy, Leonardo DiCaprio, because I suspect there are compliments in them thar hills. Just a suggestion.

He starts out talking about the challenges of making a good book into a good movie, and also discusses the film’s three-dimensional aspect: “There have been objections to his use of 3D, but frankly it’s a nonissue. It works, and is neither distracting nor game changing. You just deal with it because you want to. It’s fun to watch.” Mmmkay buddy, speak for yourself, because I thought it was ridiculous., but isn’t there anything else we can talk about as far as this movie? Is there possibly a way we can related it to finger-blasting? I’d love to make that work:

“Gatsby’s desire is revealed to be that of a 16-year-old boy: not only does he want to win Daisy, he wants to control her affections. It reminds me of my high school relationships, where I tortured girlfriends for getting fingered by other boys when they were freshmen. Just move on, dude.”

Perrrrfect. Although I do take some issue with you taking so long to get to the fingering bits, I totally agree with the sentiment; The Great Gatsby is nothing if not an ode to first base. Now carry on with your performance art, old sport.

(Image: Apega / WENN.com)

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