• Wed, May 15 2013

Pity Party for Beyonce: I Get Why She Said “No No No” To Pictures At Her Concert

Beyonce performs live in concert at the LG Arena in Birmingham

Beyonce is in a fight with the press because she won’t let them take pictures of her at the Mrs. Carter Show World Tour. Instead Bey sends out official photos from each performance that the media can use in their coverage. Now a bunch of the big newspapers have banded together and sent her PR team a strongly worded letter indicating how upset they are about the ban.

They claim that banning them from taking pics is actually worse for Beyonce because it encourages them to use the already-out-there super unflattering pictures we all know and love from the Superbowl.

I know how much it sucks to be told no in this world. But I gotta get in my girl Bey’s corner here, you guys.

Okay. Picture this. You’re out with your friends on a Saturday night. You’ve been out for a while, had some drinks. And you’re wearing your “personal risk” outfit – the one that you bought where you were like, “Is this me?” And a little voice inside your head was like, “No,” but it was the me you wanted to be, so you bought it anyway?

And then to counteract your nervousness about how you look in that, oh, say, silk one-piece jumpsuit, you do a real dramatic smoky eye because that will make you feel sexy no matter what’s going on below the chin. But we all know that a smoky eye at 8 p.m. turns into a raccoon eye by 12:30 a.m.

And now you’re at a dimly lit bar and your friends are like, “Let’s take a picture!” But they use the flash because the bar is too dark for something more candlelit. And somehow you end up on the end of the group pose again, so you’re stuck having to do that weird arm-slimming pose where it looks like you dislocated your shoulder? And you’re not really sure what your friends are doing with their faces, so you do something halfway between a smile and a surprised look. (???!)

When you check out the picture, your skin ends up looking some sort of green shade, and your eyes reflect the flash back like a feral dog’s at night, and frankly that jumpsuit is just straight up dumb. And that look on your face? No.

But your friend of course only looked at herself in the picture, and since it somehow looks like she’s got more of a neck than she does in real life, she proclaims the picture “Adorable!” and posts it to Instagram, tagging you up the wazoo, which you can’t undo because it’s your other friend’s birthday (she looked fine, she always does) and she cares a lot about documenting these sorts of things.

So I’m pretty sure THAT’S how Beyonce feels about it when people put bad pictures of her online. And on top of it, she’s dancing. You know the face you make when you’re dancing?

No you don’t.

You THINK you know the face you make when you’re dancing. Until, again, someone’s friend’s boyfriend takes a picture of the group dancing at some bar, and the friend’s friend looks cute posing with a beer, but you’re in the right third of the picture mid-super-intense-lip-synch that is decidedly NOT cute.

And again, now it’s on Instagram and Facebook, and everything else. And of course you de-tag it but it’s not like it’s really “gone” at all.

So let’s give Bey a break. She’s already not feeling well. Girl is just trying to contain pictures of her in that silk jumpsuit.

(Photo: WENN.com)

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  • FauxRealFaux

    Hilarious.