I must have done something really deserving of good celebrity news karma, because the most glorious story just got dropped into my internet lap. The only thing is, I can’t think of what my celebrity good deed might’ve been. Did I hold back Quvenzhané Wallis‘ hair as she drunk-vommed on New Years? Or was it because I backed Hugh Jackman in that street brawl he instigated? We may never know, but none of that matters because Jaden Smith wants to be estranged from his parents and Will Smith is busy somewhere giving THE WORLD’S BEST QUOTES ABOUT IT. I’m not usually that girl who just cuts and pastes quotes in their entirety, but I’m also not gonna turn up my nose at an unexpected treasure trove either, so please feast on these golden McNuggets with me. Here’s Will talking about what Jaden wants for his birthday:
“He says, ‘Dad, I want to be emancipated.’ I know if we do this, he can be an emancipated minor, because he really wants to have his own place, like ooh. That’s the backlash. On the other side, if kids just want to have command of their lives, I understand.”
OKAY. Aside from the fact that there are some very odd speech patterns in there, let’s also bear in mind for a moment that Jaden is fifteen years old. FIFTEEN. Now that might sound young to you, but bear in mind that in the Smith household that’s movin’ out and divorcin’ your parents age! Frankly, I’m surprised that Jaden didn’t make these moves earlier, given how difficult his life has been so far:
“It’s very similar for Jaden and me – your father’s the biggest movie star in the world, and you’re struggling for your little piece of dignity in this extreme shadow.”
The only thing sexier than the fact that Will still thinks he’s the biggest movie star in the world, in the year 2013, is the fact that he referred to his son’s career as his ‘little piece of dignity’. Modesty is such a turn-on, y’know? Oh, and are you in the mood for more insanity? Because there’s some coming right at you, in the form of Will discussing his and Jada Pinkett-Smith‘s approach to discipline:
“We generally don’t believe in punishment. From the time Jaden was five or six we would sit him down, and all he has to do is be able to explain why what he did was the right thing for his life. I think it’s a much more difficult question to ask someone – ‘Why was that right?’ – than to try to show them why it was wrong. Nobody wants to be wrong, all parts of yourself fight like crazy to not be wrong. So I’ll say to Jaden, ‘Why was that the right thing to do for your life?’ and if he can explain why kicking his sister in the chest was the right thing to do, we can see to it that he understands that it wasn’t so smart.”
I can’t. I honestly just can’t. Even reading through that sentence gets me a giggly feeling, like I just came down from laughing gas. IS THIS REAL LIFE?? Um hi hello don’t kick your sister in the chest! You’re fifteen, go sit on your hands somewhere and think about what you’ve done! Or move out of the house and become legally estranged from your mother and I, either way. It’s really your call — just make sure you do whatever is the right thing for your life.