I know you’ve been really worried that Gwyneth Paltrow had stopped talking forever now that she had successfully made all our mouths permanently hang open in shock and confusion. Once her movie came out and we made it through that book tour of hers relatively unscathed, you would assume she’d just disappear and secretly eat bread and smoke cigarettes for a few months before emerging to promote the return of her side butt to the red carpet. It turns out, this disappearing act might actually happen, as Gwyneth revealed to USA Today:
“Right now I’m just so (expletive) tired,” she says. “After my Iron Man and cookbook press tour and this, I’m done. I think I’ve answered every conceivable question. Your brain freezes.”
Can somebody please explain to me what that expletive is? I cut curse words out of my vocabulary, because Gwyneth taught me that cutting things out is good, so unfortunately my brain is unable to search through its bad word file to figure it out. Thanks a million! But really, it doesn’t seem like Gwyneth’s brain has frozen. It seems like her brain is working a mile a minute with its thought assembly line, manufacturing priceless gem after priceless gem to shoot out of her mouth. Like this gem, about her daughter Apple, from the same interview:
“It’s Apple’s birthday weekend. We’re having a disco party in the house. I have to get her food organized. She’s so specific,” Paltrow says with a smile after a full afternoon of interviews.
Obviously Gwyneth thinks it’s very amusing that Apple is so particular about her food. It’s not like her mom is particular about food at all. And it’s not like she wrote a book on the subject or anything.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Gwyneth is still talking about her public hair. Granted, this time she was asked about it by an Australian radio host who is weirdly offended by the idea that she’s “bringing back the bush.” After reminding everyone that it was a joke, Gwyneth admits that she now looks “like an 8-year-old girl.” I know you really want to thank me for sharing that with you, but don’t thank me. Thank Gwyneth. Or thank Cameron Diaz, who plays a role in Gwyneth’s waxing adventures:
“Every time I have a bikini wax,” Gwyneth told Kyle and Jackie O, “Cameron Diaz holds me down.”
Now Cameron Diaz is involved in these shenanigans? Okay, I can’t. Does Gwyneth realize she doesn’t have to keep doing these interviews? If she’s (expletive) tired she can just stop. Or maybe a tomato might help.
(Photo: TS, PacificCoastNews.com)