Today is Robert Pattinson’s birthday. Google tells me he’s turning 27. Fans tell me he’s simply just turning them on. Up until very recently, I found myself horrified by the legions of fans who found Robert Pattinson attractive. Sure fetishes exist, but I couldn’t believe this many women had a thing for men who didn’t bathe. It’s almost as horrifying as the thought that there are women out there are turned on by the smell of Axe.
I think we can all agree that there was a time in R.Pattz’s history that it appeared he’d never showered. Maybe a few rain drops hit his head once, but rather than clean his hair, they simply settled into the colonies of oil and grease that take up residency there and helped his hair to reach new heights. Literally. This kind of hair isn’t crated by bedhead. It’s crafted by a flagrant disregard for shampoo.
(Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com)
However I made this judgement call way before I ever heard him speak. In fact, I don’t think I’d actually ever listened to him speak until he started promoting Breaking Dawn: We’re Literally Going to Phone It In This Time Around last fall. Suddenly I understood why ladies liked him. Sure I still thought he looked bored and disinterested with everything going on around him, but he somehow managed to seem engaging. Turns out he has a pretty nice sense of humor — as well as an understanding that Twilight isn’t something to take super seriously.
So in honor of him turning 27, I thought we could go through 27 times I found him attractive. Then I thought 27 seemed excessive. Which led me to an incredibly deep existential conversation with myself about internet lists and at what point the numbers get too high to keep caring. Is it 10 things? Is 10 things on a list too much? Or am I giving people too much credit. It’s probably more like 6 things. Then after that you’re like, “okay, I get it. I NEXT. Internet! I said next! Give me a cat fighting with a balloon that looks like a pregnant sloth!”
With that in mind, I’ll give you precisely 6 times I found R.Pattz attractive. Each of them involve him speaking. Turns out that an accent can do wonders for a man.
1. Let’s begin with ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream. So watch him eat ice cream on The Daily Show in August 2012. While you might not recall, this is the first post-cheating interview that he did. And the first time I started to feel something for him.
2. Oh look, he’s saying things like deja vu during this Fitzy and Wippa interview while simultaneously wearing a backwards hat. Nothing like a little boyish charm to get a girl going.
3. Here he is being pretty darn cute on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Turns out that he can turn the silly charm on whenever he wants. You know what’s also silly. That this whole thing made me giggle.
4. He wears his modestly almost as well as he wears his blazer in this clip from Daybreak. He cleans up nicely. Which I suppose is easier when he’s not battling a forest of unwashed hair.
5. Here’s another fun interview from November where he jokes around with his castmates Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner. Can we get an awwww for the fact that he’s able to laugh during questions about vampire sex.
6. Last but not least, he talks about being pretentious as well as castrating paparazzi during a Breaking Dawn press junket. He also speaks nicely about Kristen Stewart — even though she cheated (“cheated”) on him just a few months earlier.
Happy Birthday Rob, from a girl who almost gets it.