The 25 Useless Things We’ve Learned About The Mother On HIMYM

How I Met Your Mother The Mother ListIf you had never watched How I Met Your Mother before and just turned on a random episode, it’s possible the whole premise of the show would be lost on you. I know, I know the name kind of gives it away. But still, think about it. There are so many episodes where the Mother isn’t even mentioned, especially in the last couple of seasons. The uninformed may just think it’s a show about five 30-something year old friends living in New York City. Though those of us that are avid fans and have watched every episode over the last eight years know differently. There is a point to Ted’s insane weekly ramblings. He is supposed to be telling his kids (and the many fans of HIMYM) the story of how he met their mother. He’s been telling the story for eight loooooong years, and we’ve still never seen the mother’s face. Talk about annoying!

Sometimes I get so frustrated about this I want to scream (I take my television viewing very seriously, ok?). How can this show have been on for so long and I still have no idea who the mother is? It’s like I’m getting punk’d or something. I just need to know who she is already. So I’m sure it’s no surprise to any of you that a crazy person like myself has compiled this list of all the wonderful and incredibly useless facts we’ve learned about the mother so far:

  • She owns a yellow umbrella, and Ted stole it.
  • She has a foot (Ted even saw it once. Gasp.)
  • She is not Victoria, Zoe, Stella, or Robin. But really, she better not be Robin.
  • She was in the Economics class Ted mistakenly started teaching his first day at Columbia.
  • She thought Ted was a complete idiot.
  • She’s well-educated. Duh, Columbia…
  • She lived with Cindy, the grad student Ted dated.
  • She gave Cindy a copy of World’s End by T.C. Boyle for her birthday.
  • Guys always fall in love with her.
  • She enjoys making breakfast foods sing show tunes.
  • She paints pictures of robots playing sports.
  • She’s weird. Refer to the previous two facts if you don’t understand.
  • She plays the bass.
  • She owns The Unicorns “Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone.”
  • She’s the slutty pumpkin. Just kidding! I made that up, but now that I think about it…
  • She’s in a band, and said band supposedly plays Barney and Robin’s wedding.
  • She probably doesn’t like smokers (Ted quits smoking for good two weeks into dating her.)
  • Ted meets her the day of a wedding where he’s the best man—Barney and Robin’s wedding.
  • Before Ted, the mother was dating some jerk who worked in finance named Louis.
  • She and Ted attended the same Saint Patrick’s Day party in 2008. In case you were wondering, they did not meet.
  • She probably isn’t blonde. (This one is just kind of implied from when he said if Stella was the mother the kids would be blonde.)
  • She meets Ted May 25, 2013
  • She enjoys long walks on the beach and other nauseatingly romantic clichés (You caught me. I’m just assuming this because she ends up with Ted…)
  • She enjoys Ted’s lame interesting sense of humor. (Ted tells us his future wife laughs the first time she hears his shellfish joke. It’s not a funny joke…trust me)
  • She actually meets Ted at the Farhampton train station after Barney and Robin’s wedding. (We think/hope/will die if it’s not true)

As anyone with a brain can deduce, this list is unbelievable. Most of these things are such incredibly vague details they’re not even worth mentioning. They’re definitely not helpful in figuring out who the mother may be, and trust me I’ve tried to crack that case. I’ve read many, many different theories about who she may be. Though, I’ve pretty much always felt like it has to be someone we haven’t met yet. I just can’t imagine Ted with anyone that we already know, and I really want it to be a completely new character. Then maybe we can finally get some interesting story lines again. If they actually decide to reveal the mother tonight on the season finale…

I feel like I used to watch every season finale thinking that this one was going to be it. This was going to be the time we finally saw her face. So far that has not been the case. And while that frustrates me to no end, there’s still a part of me every year that holds out hope. This year I just think it makes sense. The show is going into its last season and what better way to get fans excited for the it than to reveal the mother? Plus, have you guys seen this preview?

I guess we’ll all have to wait until tonight to see. My head keeps telling me not to get my hopes up, but I just can’t help it.

(Image: CNN.com)

You can reach this post's author, Caitlin Murphy, on twitter.
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    • Lauren

      Alyson Hannigan ‏just tweeted this today:

      Tonight is a good night to watch How I Met Your Mother. The promos say its going to be the MOTHER of all shows!

    • Kellie

      Barney and Robin get married on Sunday, May 26th.

      • Reese

        So Ted and the Mother meet on the 26th?

    • Pingback: How I Met Your Mother Recap: Cristin Milioti Is The Mother

    • Jorg

      Katie Holmes is the slutty pumpkin, she featured in one episode for it ! ;)