• Sun, May 12 2013

In Honor Of Mother’s Day: The Craziest Celebrity Parenting Advice We’ve Ever Heard

Alicia Silverstone Baby Bear Coachella April 2012

What better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than to compare your mother’s parenting technique with those of celebrity moms?  Relax, there’s no need to feel inadequate about your mom because we’ve compiled a list of the most ridiculous tips and tricks that our favorite celebrity moms swear by.  I personally think that these statements are a direct side effect of too much money and/or time on their hands, but hey, that’s just me.  One thing is for sure: it makes for entertaining reading material!

So maybe your mom didn’t eat her placenta.  You still turned out okay!  Let’s just hope the same for the children of these ladies, huh?

1.) Alicia Silverstone
Do as the penguins do!  For proper nourishment and zero chance of grossing out the entire world, chew up your kid’s food and spit it into their mouth.  You can’t earn the overzealous earth mother badge until you do this.

 

2.) January Jones
Whether she eats her placenta with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti, I can’t say for sure.  Don’t let those golden locks and ice-cold Betty Draper eyes fool you…lest it be known that she will look down upon thee for not self-cannibalizing. Oh also: Liam Hemsworth thinks she’s a MILF (allegedly.) (Photo: WENN)

Xander Dane Jones January Jones 2012

3.) Mayim Bialik
Cribs and diapers are for pussies!  Don’t give into “the man” and corporate America’s idea of proper hygiene and parenting.  No diapers, one giant “family bed,” and zero chance that your kids will need therapy later in life.  (Photo: WENN)

Mayim Bialik Entertainment Weekly Screen Actors Guild Party 1-26-2013

4.) Jessica Simpson
She takes being pregnant to an entirely new level, and not just because she has the same gestation period length as an elephant.  While she doesn’t really give any advice per se, she’s talked about giving birth in heels, has basically admitted that she doesn’t know how birth control works, and that she never knew a weiner could make her nauseous (spoiler alert: she’s having a boy this time). This is all worthy of a place on this list.  I personally can’t wait for her children to watch episodes of The Newlyweds and ask her about the infamous tuna/chicken debate. (Photo: Twitter)

Jessica-Simpson-Pregnant-Twitter-Baby-Bump-12-2012

5.) Snooki 
“Get used to the poop.  Shit is going to be everywhere – in your hair, your fingernails, everywhere.”  Leave it to Snooki to let it all out there for new moms.  Did you know that your own breast milk tastes sour?  And that sex is going to feel different?  You’re welcome.

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6.) Kourtney Kardashian
I’m on the fence with this one.  While I can appreciate the fact that she’s trying to better the environment and all that jazz, I think it’s kind of odd that she only lets her children play with wooden toys.  You just know that Mason and Penelope are going to go to school one day and be like “why does everyone else have this awesome shit and my toys are from the Industrial Revolution era?!”  Especially since those kids rock some serious designer labels on a daily basis.  Dolce and Gabbana leather loafers don’t really scream “earth mom” to me.  (Photo: WENN)

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick arrive into LAX with their children

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