Where oh where do reality stars get off these days? You realize that you’re not famous in your own right, correct? You’re famous because, for better or for worse, a television network has decided to point a camera at you for a season or two and watch you go about your daily life. In all likelihood, you approached them, they did not approach you, and if they cast you, it’s safe to say they’re expecting you to be irrational and/or dramatic. It’s kind of their thing. If you get all the way through that process to the magical, glistening paycheck at the end — congratulations. Take it and shut up. Don’t do what the ladies of The Real Housewives Of New York are doing, and hold out for more money.
I’m sorry, more money? You’re not building a bridge or teaching children or keeping criminals off the streets! You want to be paid more money for someone to point a camera at you while you stumble around drunk in St. Barth’s? You are literally living the dream, so quit holding off on signing your contracts, wake up and smell the Botox. If the salary isn’t satisfactory to you, then don’t do the show, right? I mean right? The whole point of reality television is that they can use anyone, so unless you’re Ramona Singer, there are a whole lot of plugs that can fit in that socket, know what I mean, brah? I’m looking at you, Aviva Drescher, LuAnn de Lesseps, Sonja Morgan, Heather Thomson, and Carole Radziwill.
Each Housewife negotiates her own contract separately, with her pay scale depending on how long she’s been on the show. Production was supposed to begin on Wednesday, but everyone was reportedly so disappointed by the numbers they were presented with that no one made themselves available to begin filming, probably thinking that if they functioned as a unit, they could create some kind of leverage. Except what they’re forgetting is that A. Bravo already fired half the cast last year, so they don’t give that many flying fucks about moving stuff around, and B. they have like a million of these shows anyway, so even if they have to cancel it, one more or less won’t make a difference. In fact, RHONY isn’t even the most popular in the franchise — that honor goes to Beverly Hills and Atlanta – and its ratings actually fell 20% between the fourth and fifth seasons. With that in mind, if all six current cast members don’t sign their contracts pretty much immediately, the show may be cancelled as early as today. So ladies, pull it together and stop trying to slice open that golden goose. Ain’t no eggs in thurr.