So stoked for the premiere of Million Dollar Listing New York last night. Why? Cause it combines my love of high-end real estate with my love of over-the-top gay realtors. Not to worry, there are the over-the-top straight realtors as well. But…there are two words that drive my fondness for this show. Fredrik. Eklund. Have you had the pleasure? Well, do yourself the favor. He is tha best. He is the Josh Flagg of NYC. Fredrik makes the most awesome faces, slings the best insults and is the most arrogant of arrogant in a city of the most arrogant and successful people. Fredrik is, quite simply, the best part of the show. Second best is the real estate. Multimillion dollar apartments/townhouses with the best views of NYC, the most ridiculous amount of marble and the most intense bidding wars you’ve ever seen on a real estate show. Ryan Serhant is mildly entertaining, as he was last season, but often comes off too frat boy douchey and annoying. But he does have some funny lines. I just hope he gets better with the continuation of the season. And newbie realtor, Luis Ortiz is delightful to look at and watch as he starts from the bottom and shamelessly digs his way to the top. Plenty of drama, plenty of shower scenes and plenty of Fredrik make for a good start to Million Dollar Listing New York.
Ah, springtime in NYC. Where all of the high-end realtors come out from winter hibernation and slow house markets to see how well they can flaunt their money and talent for selling the American dream to exorbitantly wealthy fellow New Yorkers. ‘Cause we aren’t talking the average American on this show. We’re talking about no less than $4 million homes (and that’s the low end) and constant competition to see who can get the highest listing. The twists and turns include difficult clients, short sell deadlines and the threat of not pulling off the perfect outfit when meeting with a client. Naturally, we’re (re)introduced to our realtors – first, Ryan Serhant in a gratuitous shower shot, who is always the confident lad, selling more properties than ever and even *gasp* has a girlfriend! This should be interesting when it comes to his shameless flirting and cheap parlor tricks to try and shmooze women…all the time. But, all for the cameras, I’m sure. Even a douchey mcdouchester has his day in the sun, and hopefully his girlfriend keeps him grounded. Then, there’s Fredrik Eklund, who is also selling even higher multimillion dollar properties. Fredrik was always the winner of real estate on Million Dollar Listing New York, and this year it seems like he’ll be getting himself into trouble-turned-huge-commissions again. Oh yah, and he’s outta the closet and into an engagement. Yup, he’s engaged and will undoubtedly be sharing his commitment ceremony in front of Bravo cameras. I can’t wait. Lastly, newcomer Luis Ortiz is Puerto Rican and unafraid to claw his way to the top. Sure, he’s new on the show and in NYC real estate…but confidence isn’t lacking and neither is his fashion sense. More eye candy for the ladies. He’s super cute and probably wears the same size suit as I do. But looks better. Luis will be a little of of his league when it comes to Fredrik and Ryan, but it’ll be fun to see how he sells houses to only the moderately rich…and how he most likely succeeds. Thank God they got rid of that boring and annoying Daddy’s boy Michael Lorber. I mean, really. Josh Flagg you are NOT, Sir.
Fredrick starts out by getting the chance to list “The Marble House”…a NW Tribeca apartment that’s, well, full of marble. Seriously, there’s marble everywhere, including the indoor pool. Yup. It’s an amazing property and even Fredrik admits that he’s rarely impressed as much as he is with this property. Surprisingly, the kicker isn’t the price difference between Fredrik and the seller. The challenge set before Fredrik is selling the place in 30 days. Hmmm. Problem? Please, not for Fredrik. Although, he does sweat a bit at the thought of succeeding, that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna try…and make it. Come on, now. It’s Fredrik. Ryan also gets an opportunity to sell a fabulous apartment with the best friggin view of all time, overlooking Central Park. The catch? It’s been on the market for 2 years and no one is knocking. What does ballsy Ryan do? He raises the price in order to bring in traffic, again, and makes a deal to sell the apartment, no matter what. Luis is trying to make a name for himself in an office full of cubicles. The lesser-established man is certainly leagues away from modern office space, assistants and drivers. But, he’s determined to cold call and steal clients from other realtors. When Luis finds a willing victim who wants an inconceivably impossible house-find in the city, he takes on the challenge to find a townhouse for $4 million. Oooooookay. Challenge. Accepted.
Fredrik is hiring a model to swim in the pool at his broker’s open of “The Marble House”. Ryan is throwing a masquerade party to show off his newly listed Central Park apartment. And Luis…he’s meeting with his clients and begging for help from his fellow realtors for unlisted and unknown property information. Whaaaaa? Oh right, that’s how it really works until you’ve “made it” as a realtor. Got it. So everyone is getting sassy and ready to make some sweet sales and moolah. Ryan shows up at Fredrik’s open house…and Fredrik acts surprised like, really? Does this guy always need to follow me around? Yah he does…he’s a broker that sells high-end real estate who also happens to be on the same reality TV show as you. But anyway, Fredrik takes the opportunity to make a dig at Ryan and then Ryan tries to reciprocate by jumping in the pool with the model. It’s the most awkward and childish thing I’ve seen since the Madison Hildebrand/Josh Altman fight at the circus party open house. If you’re gonna come to the older and more-established gay man realtor gun fight, you’d better not bring a knife. Poor Ryan. This town ain’t big enough for the both of them. And Fredrik makes the best faces that require no words at all. Luis has found the proverbial needle in a haystack house that no one think exists and is going to take a look. Luckily, the owners are into the whole industrial loft weird architecture thing and the house looks it. Coincidentally and perfectly, so are Luis’ clients! A match made in real estate heaven for ol’ Luis. And at below the price of what the client wants to spend. Double score! Luis is super happy, goes salsa dancing with his twin brother and then sets up an appointment for his clients to see his excellent find.
So, Ryan throws his masquerade party, which he prepares for with his new assistant, Olivia. Of course she’s hot and young cause, it’s Ryan. In comes realtor Oren Alexander (whose name even sounds villainous), who is representing a client who lives next door and is interested in buying the adjacent listed apartment. But if you think Ryan is going to take his low low offer, you crazy. I love it when these realtors spend their own money and throw ridiculous parties because, mostly…I wish I could go. Ryan is invited to model at Fashion Week and Oren shows up again. This time, with a higher offer in hand, post-masquerade gala. Still too low, Ryan and Oren go back and forth whilst literally getting ready to walk in the Fashion Show. It’s jokes. Making a deal in the makeup chair? That’s just NYC real estate on a Tuesday. It’s good though because Ryan comes through, makes the deal and doesn’t even miss a step when walking down the runway. I’ll give it to him…he’s good. But Fredrik ain’t got no time to be playing around with Ryan’s shenanigans at his brokers’ opens and waltzes right into Ryan’s office to confront him about the pool incident. Again, Fredrik is much better with his demand for an apology and his insults to Ryan, while Ryan just makes jokes about him being gay. Ugh, not even. Naturally, Ryan isn’t going to apologize, so I predict a good season of banter and competition.
Luis shows the townhouse to his clients and they LOVE it. Wow, that’s amazing. A real dream story. Luis has even gotten them to make a deal immediately, instead of wasting time sleeping on it and ensuring that it’s the right decision. It’s only $4 million and they’ve missed out on so many opportunities before due to procrastination. Luis is not going to let this opportunity slip away and he gets a deal right on the spot. When he happily and confidently goes to tell the owners that they’ve gotten a deal at their exact asking price, the owner rips the rug right from under poor Luis and says he wants mooooore. Greedy little bastard wants to ruin Luis’s perfect deal, giving everyone what they want, and make him sweat to work for the deal. Eeeeeeeeeeeesh. I feel bad for the little guy. The cliffhanger episode ends with no deal for Luis and no apparent deal for Fredrik. Judging by the previews for the upcoming season, I see some glass-throwing, yelling, Fredrik-crying drama and fun coming up. I can’t wait.