I really thought Gwyneth Paltrow might disappear into her gluten-free hibernation chamber once her cookbook had been out a while and her movie Iron Man 3 had dominated the box office. And that frightened me. Because what would I do without her classic Gwyneth Paltrowisms to keep me warm through the unseasonably chilly spring nights? Thankfully, however, she doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon, as she just keeps showing up places to laugh in the face of the dress code and struggle to come to terms with her World’s Most Beautiful Woman title.
It seems like Gwyneth would rather volunteer model Miranda Kerr for the title, because Gwyneth is obsessed with her. Despite claiming that her own Princess Barbie get-up at the 2013 Met Gala was punk for the simple fact that it wasn’t punk (which is the most postmodern thing since The Hills finale), Gwyneth praised Miranda’s interpretation of the theme to Entertainment Weekly, saying, “She was wearing a black Michael Kors dress that was sort of like a sparkling bandeau, and her whole stomach was showing.” Gwyneth then added, “It was really beautiful. It was a little punk-y. She’s just so pretty, it’s abnormal.”
I know, Gwyneth. How is it possible for a woman to look that pretty while showing her entire stomach instead of her entire side butt? I thought side butt was the prettiest body part to show. I guess it was a bad idea for me to cut the sides out of all my pants and skirts. Now I guess I have to just wear crop tops all the time. It’s also unusual that Miranda is so pretty because I bet she’s the kind of lady who once ate a pepper. I mean, she’s gotta be an alien, right?
But Gwyneth didn’t keep her opinions about Miranda’s prettiness to herself. She admits, “I was like, ‘Is it weird to be that pretty?’” And what was Miranda’s response? I know you’re on the edge of your seat right now wondering if it’s weird being pretty. Well, Gwyneth explained, “And she was like, ‘No.’” Fascinating stuff.
That’s right. The World’s Most Beautiful Woman asked another woman if it’s weird to be pretty. So there’s really only one explanation for this. The quote obviously got cut off at both the beginning and the end. Gwyneth must have started with, “I feel weird being this pretty, so I’m asking around.” And then after saying “No,” Miranda was probably like, “Now please stop stroking my hair.” This is all speculation, of course, but it all seems like classic Gwyneth to me.
(Photo: Rob Rich/WENN.com)