Oh Madonna. What on earth am I going to do with you, you old bat? You continue to befuddle me with your choices — whether fashion or life or romantic or just about anything. Color me baffled. As you may know, the Met Gala was last night (Kim Kardashian knows, because she went disguised as a sofa), and its them was PUNK: Chaos to Couture. Now, if there’s one person you would think might have a handle on the punk scene, it’s Madonna, right? She lived in the Village in the 1980s and kind of made that scene her own. She knows what punk is, and she also knows what couture is. She’s been in the world for more than five minutes, is basically what I’m saying, considering she’s been on the planet for, what? Eighty years now? Ninety?
But that picture above is not a joke. That is precisely how Madonna showed up TO A COSTUME BALL. AT THE MET. That’s a museum, in case we’re still struggling with concepts. Now this is a lot for me, so I’m gonna take this outfit piece by piece.
- That’s a wig. Why? Who knows.
- I’m confident I could find every element of this ensemble at a Hot Topic. More than confident.
- HI HELLO WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS.
- Mesh top. We’ve talked about this before.
- Bright pink shoes, bright red carpet. Girl.
- You’re wearing two? three? layers of pantyhose?
- …and pooping out a cross?
- …and you vajazzled your whole blazer situation with studs?
Guys I’ll admit that I’m not the biggest fan of Madonna, but isn’t this just like…begging for criticism? SHE’S NOT WEARING PANTS AT THE MET GALA. If you look in other pictures, her ass is hanging out. We couldn’t even go full opaque on the bum part of those pantyhose? Alright. And later on, she takes off the jacket and just wears a fishnet sausage casing. AT THE MET GALA. Madonna sausage.
You’re anyone’s too old for this shit.
(Image: Rob Rich / WENN.com)