Hi hello who’s in charge here? Were there any adults on the scene of last night’s Met Gala, or just fashion-drunk celebrities and their stylists? The theme was PUNK: From Chaos To Couture, and it was simultaneously the best and worst thing that ever happened. It was the best because I have such a wealth of hilarious pictures to draw upon this morning, and it was the worst because most people either had no idea how to conform to the theme, or absolutely no interest in even trying. One of these misguided specimens was Kim Kardashian, who is proving on an almost daily basis that whoever is guiding her through this pregnancy needs to have their life coach license revoked. Now, I’m not one of those people who’s gonna sit here and write a judge-y post about Kim gaining weight. For one thing, who gives a shit, and for another, THE GIRL IS PREGNANT. She is building a tiny human life inside of her body, and a lot of times babies like to be shrouded in warmth and cushions while they grow. It’s just a crazy thing fetuses do; it’s super weird and every media outlet should comment on it. Bonus points if you can work in some body-shaming, too.
So yeah, I have no beef with Kim putting on weight during her pregnancy. That’s normal, and expected, and most importantly, none of our business. But what I do have a bone to pick with is the fact that the people surrounding Kim seem to be giving her some reeeeeally questionable advice. Obviously the girl is pretty uncomfortable right now. She hasn’t been keeping that a secret. So just throw her in something stretchy and flowy and gauzy and goddess-y and call it a day, just like every other celebrity. Stop squeezing her into leather pants and shirts with peplums and towering heels and the FLORAL COUCH DRESS she was rocking last night. Apparently she was supposed to wear a different gown originally, but her body changed too drastically for it to work, so her brand new stylist chose the floor-length floral Givenchy dress that she ended up wearing. Except said new stylist demanded some changes be made before Kim could step out of the Kardashian Komplex:
“She had the Givenchy severely altered at the last minute on orders of her new stylist. She’s gained a lot of weight in her arms and her stylist has told her she should not show them off. So her dress now has sleeves when it was sleeveless before.”
Okay stoppit! Stop telling this pregnant lady which parts of her body she should and shouldn’t show off! I’m not the biggest Kim fan, but there’s no reason to draw on her own insecurities with last-minute dress changes and then talking about it to the media. Apparently Kim was barely even invited this year — she was snubbed last year by Anna Wintour, and only allowed to attend this time because her babydaddy Kanye West was performing. So she was probably super stressing out, and what better way to soothe her nerves than to dress her like a human sofa set WITH GLOVES BUILT IN. When she holds her hands in front of her body you can’t even see them because the whole dress has the same pattern. I’m no expert, but you know what color is slimming, stylists? Black. BLACK. Not couch.
(Image: Andres Otero / WENN.com)