• Fri, May 3 - 3:31 pm ET

Please To Enjoy Bradley Cooper’s New Unintentionally Hilarious Häagen-Dazs Ad

Bradley Cooper in Haagen-Dazs commercial May 2013

THAT FACE.

I don’t know what it is about this new Bradley Cooper Häagen-Dazs commercial, you guys, but I think it’s hilarious. It’s really plotty, especially considering that it’s ice cream and all you have to do to sell ice cream is just put a picture of ice cream up on my screen for thirty seconds. If by the end of the commercial I’m not already out the door and buying ice cream, it’s because I just finished eating ice cream or I’m deep in a coma caused by lack of ice cream. But anyway, these goobers wanted to go the extra mile and sell me a story with my frozen congealed animal fat, and they wanted Bradley Cooper to star in it, so who am I to say no?

Lights up on a party, which B-Coops is just casually strolling through with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and a spoon. Okay so PAUSE. We can do that now? That’s appropriate party behavior? Because I will do that tonight, so help me god. Someone just invite me to a party, and this is so happening. Anyway. Bradley’s strolling around with his pint and some brooding looks, and he catches the eye of a stylish young lass, who breaks away from her party and comes stalking toward him like a lioness through tall grasses. And she leads him into this secret room and Bradley’s doing the this-is-so-fun-I-never-get-ladies eyes and the I-am-but-a-simple-tuxedoed-man-at-a-party-about-to-get-some-party-tail smile, and she pushes him down on the couch and OMG they’re totes gonna mack it!

But then they don’t because she is a saucy wench who steals away his ice cream and his party-tail and locks him in the room! He’s such a good-natured tuxedo though that he just makes a smugface at her because — OHO! — she has forgotten the spoon! Except then things get really kinky because it seems like her plan is just to eat the entire pint with her fingers. Which is pretty gross if you ask me, but Bradley Cooper throws his head back in glee even though she is the worst kind of person, one who will steal your ice cream. It’s really a kind of morality play in three acts, and I hope you learned a thing or two, and that you’re on your way to the supermarket for a party-pint.

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    So is she ever going to unlock that door or is he trapped in there forever? And with no ice cream?!

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I think it’s a PSA about animal cruelty. In which the animal is played by Bradley Cooper. It’s an Oscar turn.