I enjoy Ke$ha’s music. I’ve been known to rock out to “TiK ToK,” and I always remember how to spell “dinosaur” thanks to her song. I like her music enough to type Ke$ha instead of Kesha when I write about her. That says a lot. All this time I thought I had Ke$ha herself to thank for bringing such joyful music into my life, but it turns out I’ve been thanking the wrong songwriter. There are two talented musicians who should be getting credit for those catchy tunes, and their names are Ke$ha’s Boob 1 and Ke$ha’s Boob 2. Actually those are just the names I’m giving them. I’m sure Ke$ha has her own names for them.
Ke$ha went on Conan last night to reveal that her breasts have a big role to play in her song-writing process. It started out as a joke, but it has become a spiritual artistic experience that she says has resulted in great songs. It involves turning off all the lights and letting her boobs bang away at the piano.
Conan O’Brien laughs at this anecdote, but Ke$ha sees it as a very serious musical process, and she talks about it like it’s the most normal story anyone ever told. Instead of saying her boobs write songs, you’d think she was saying, “Yeah, so I had some green beans at dinner last night. Then I turned on the TV but there was nothing on, so I read a magazine and went to bed.” And she tells this story while wearing an outfit covered in pictures of Conan’s face, which I haven’t even felt the need to mention yet because Ke$ha just manages to make everything seem so blah. I’m like, “Oh, she’s wearing Conan’s face all over her shirt? That’s nice.” She also seems to have just recently gotten the memo about how helpful shampoo is, and she is using it. I mean, like, using it to the point where her hair looks clean and free of crusted-on week-old glitter. And I see that clean hair and I hear her nonchalant way of telling these stories and I’m hypnotized. “Yes, Ke$ha,” I say, “it makes so much sense for you to write songs with your boobs. You are an inspiration.”