I know I’m not the only one suffering from panic attacks every six minutes at the thought of waiting 14 gajillion more months to seeÂ Catching FireÂ in theaters. And it’s not like we have the promise of a new teaser GIF on the horizon here. Or even some kind of fan event where people dress up like Katniss EverdeenÂ andÂ Peeta MellarkÂ and pretend to kill other people for sport. Honestly, it’s like looking out the car window on a long road trip and seeing nothing but endless stretches of concrete, with the occasional glimpse of an abandoned gas station that’s home to a family of wily coyotes. (Not to be confused with the gas station run by cougars, as seen on the hit showÂ Cougar Town.)
Hence why I enjoyed this literalÂ Catching FireÂ trailer so much. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever watched, but it’s good enough for where we are right now. In case you’ve never seen a literal trailer before, I’ll explain the basic premise for you. It literally explains to you what’s happening as you watch it happen. Stupid? Of course! Enjoyable? Sadly, very much so. Sometimes it’s the simple things that make us happy in life. I think I finally understand why grown adults like cartoons. Turning off your brain for a few minutes every day isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Chris Brown, for those of you following along at home, is the worst thing in the world. Well, he’s tied with that feeling you get when you make theÂ decisionÂ to getÂ somethingÂ unhealthy at a vending machine and then, when you’re committed to eating cheesy blasters despite theÂ inherentÂ cancer risks, the bag gets stuck and your whole life seems completely pointless.
So with no further ado, I’d like to introduce you to the literal movie trailer forÂ Catching Fire. Like I said earlier, it will literally be the best thing you watch today. Unless you like metaphors andÂ similesÂ and onomatopoeia. If that’s the case, sorry. This might not be your (metaphorical) bag of cheesy blasters.