TLC’s Welcome to Myrtle Manor is never afraid to be romantic. Other shows might shy away from portraying a marriage proposal as on-fire (literally) as Jared’s proposal to Chelsey. But not Myrtle Manor. It was all there in last night’s episode (Season 1, Episode 9), and we’re going to talk about it.
The episode starts with Jared announcing he plans to ask Chelsey for her hand in marriage, because he’s “pretty sure” she’s the one. Stop being so romantic, Jared. You’re making the rest of us look bad. Amanda agrees to help Jared shop for an engagement ring, which he pays for by pulling one-dollar bills out of various places on his body. Because he’s a stripper now, in case you were by some magic able to wipe the image of him gyrating in silver shorts out of your mind.
Before we get into Jared’s hot (again, literally) proposal, let’s talk about Cecil’s plans to sell Myrtle Manor. He’s been talking to an interested buyer who would likely get rid of the trailers in favor of condos or some other totally boring style of living. Becky and Alyson object to Cecil’s decision, because they don’t want him to give up everything he’s worked for. That’s important and all, but I’m worried that this will mean no Myrtle Manor season 2! What is that all about, Cecil?!
Meanwhile, Marvin and Taylor try to bond, because Marvin is courting Taylor’s mom Anne with homemade fragrances and flamingo posters. They go to the batting range, where Marvin (or should I say Batman?) fancies himself a baseball pro. The kind who “slam dunks” the ball. I’m no sports fan, but that one has nothing to do with baseball, right?
And then we finally get to witness Jared’s romantic marriage proposal. Jared really likes fire, it seems, since he set an innocent television set ablaze in the first episode. This time he creates a fiery heart on Chelsey’s front lawn, prompting her to walk outside and wonder, “Why is my yard on fire?” But then she somehow manages to make out “Marry Me” spelled in flames in the middle of the heart, and she’s overjoyed. What comes next is a proposal so romantic they should just stop production on any romantic comedies currently being made, because nothing will ever compare. Jared tells Chelsey, “You make me not wanna be a f*ck-up.” And Chelsey accepts his proposal, because why wouldn’t she? In her words, “Hell yeah, I’m gonna marry this sexy beast!” I need a moment.
Now that the engagement is official, it’s time to call Chelsey’s mom to let her know the blessed news. And Mom is surprised, to say the least. I believe her exact words are, “Are you pregnant?” Such a heartwarming moment.
It’s time to start planning the wedding immediately, because Cecil has sold Myrtle Manor, and Chelsey wants to have the ceremony there. Now what kind of trailer park wedding would it be without Bandit? Probably an okay one. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to sneak back into the park hoping to pick up some ladies at the wedding. But he’s not going to get the ladies if he’s hairy. So he obviously needs Roy to wax him. Everywhere. “Like a baby’s ass.” Poor, poor Roy.
To close the episode, we see Chelsey go wedding dress shopping with her bridesmaids Amanda and Jessica. After finding the perfect “mullet dress,” Chelsey questions whether she really wants to get married. After approximately 2.8 seconds of hesitation, she decides she’s sure she wants to go through with it. We’ve only got one episode left this season! We have to think fast! Then the store employee delivers the obligatory “Are we saying yes to the dress?” line, because… TLC!
What will happen next week? Will Jared and Chelsey go through with the wedding? Will Marvin officiate? Will Bandit meet a lady?