In case we somehow didn’t know before, we now know from watching Ryan Lochte’s E! reality show that he’s very proud of himself. And he’s mostly proud of things he shouldn’t be proud of. For instance, he can’t accurately remember how many medals he won at the Olympics, but he’ll brag about peeing in the pool every chance he gets. That includes in his new Funny or Die video, wherein he advertises a fake fragrance called “Pool Water.” What ensues is plenty of typical Lochte mumbling, a permanently annoying smirk, and a lot of hinting at urine.
First of all, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ryan thought this cologne was real. Even with the sloppy-looking label that’s been slapped on the bottle and the ridiculous lines he’s been asked to read, I wouldn’t put it past him to go up to the director afterwards and ask, “So can I get a couple extra bottles to hand out to the ladies? I think this will help me find my one true love.”
This whole video seems to be an opportunity for Ryan to further hint that he peed in the pool at the Olympics, because Ryan Lochte lives in a world where that’s something to be proud of. It starts with him using the phrase “sprinkle tinkle,” which I never want to hear again, and then continues with him telling us about a secret ingredient only he knows. He also says there’s a “gold twang” to the scent, which he then explains is due to the melted down medals. But he gives us an exaggerated wink after saying that, so it also means something else, you guys! Oh my goodness, I wonder what that could be!
There’s also a surprise appearance from Pitch Perfect‘s Hana Mae Lee, who further implies that Ryan pees in the pool. Do you think he peed in the pool, you guys? I’m still not clear.
One thing is certain after watching this video. We should show it to those two hysterical news anchors in Philadelphia so we can have a whole new viral video sensation to enjoy.