I don’t think Justin Bieber knows the word regrets. And I don’t mean that in some kind of inspirational just-live-your-life way. I mean it in the Ryan-Lochte way. Like there’s a strong chance he couldn’t define the word regret. Because if he could, I think he would’ve thought through this new Selena Gomez tattoo a little bit more. They got back together approximately 14 minutes ago – doesn’t he think that there’s a small chance they won’t last as long as his tattoo? Or does he not know how time works. I’m really not sure what he understands and what he doesn’t understand these days.
We know that he doesn’t know much about Anne Frank and we also know that he doesn’t know much about the care and keeping of monkeys (specifically that you need to keep them). So it’s not crazy to think that he doesn’t know how time works Especially since he apparently made his fans wait an hour and a half to see him in concert this week while he finished up a game of ping pong.
Of course, there’s always the chance that this tattoo of a dark-haired enchantress isn’t Selena Gomez — but another random girl. It’s not like he personally knows the owl and the koi fish that are tattooed on that very same arm. So it wouldn’t be totally wacky if he walked into a tattoo parlor and was like “yo, you ever seen a brown-haired girl before? Yeah. Good, put one on my arm. Yeah, right there above my wrist so everyone can see it. Badass…and no Mom, I didn’t take my Flinstones vitamin today because vitamins are for babies. Staaahppp, I don’t wanna wear a shirt.”
Either way, I’m loving all the horrible decisions he’s making lately. As I dip an unsliced bagel into a giant glob cream cheese in a game I like to call bagel fondue and I question how I got to this point in my life, I can at least know that I’m still making better choices than Justin Bieber — and almost the same amount of money, give or take 18 zeros.