If you can believe it, Gwyneth Paltrow’s no underwear controversy only started yesterday. I know, it feels like we’ve been investigating the World’s Most Beautiful Woman’s “side butt” for months. Thankfully, Gwyneth is making the rounds on talk shows this week, and she made it to The Ellen DeGeneres Show just in time for Ellen to turn on her Celebrity Confession Vacuum and suck an explanation out of her. Since Ellen is also having a great week, watching these two in the same room is like staring into the face of awesome. What ensues is just as entertaining as you’d expect.
Gwyneth doesn’t play coy at first. Ellen shows the infamous Iron Man 3 premiere dress and says, “The question, to me, is…” and then without pause, Gwyneth exclaims, “Why is your ass hanging out?” This demonstrates not only how little shame Gwyneth has, but how good Ellen is at removing celebrities’ filters. And Gwyneth didn’t have much of a filter to begin with, so…
Gwyneth goes on to explain what happened, and I don’t want to ruin the experience of watching it, but it involves a razor, and Ellen displays that signature look I’ve dubbed “Elluncomfortable.” She displayed it when Jessica Simpson showed zero understanding of family planning, and she displays it here when trying to figure out what the hell Gwyneth is talking about. Eventually Gwyneth realizes the mind trick Ellen has played on her and quickly decides to end the conversation, leading Ellen to reluctantly change the subject and then go to commercial. But it was great while it lasted.
Ellen DeGeneres is having an awesomely risque week. She got Diane Keaton drunk and talked to her about tantric sex. She risked all of us dying from excitement when Kate McKinnon dressed as her on her show, and now Gwyneth is talking about pubic hair. I think Ellen should get every journalism award ever for her ability to coax the best interviews out of people. She consistently gets Dennis Quaid to yell about himself in the third person and confuse the most unsuspecting people. So when you combine her journalistic talents with Gwyneth Paltrow’s lack of filter, you get pure magic.
In closing, how can Gwyneth Paltrow be our most hated celebrity when she gives us so many fun moments to enjoy? I’ll say the same thing I’ve been saying about Rachel Zoe: Are you not entertained?!