Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow. You’re really giving us a lot to talk about these days, and I love it. It wasn’t enough for you to write arguably the most mind-boggling cookbook in history. And it also wasn’t enough for you to hold the titles of both Most Hated Celebrity and World’s Most Beautiful Woman in the span of a week. And it also, also wasn’t enough for you to say the most conmusing (my combination of confusing and amusing) things every time you give an interview. I’m so glad your movie Iron Man 3 is premiering right after your cookbook debuted. Now what’s that you’re wearing at the movie’s premiere? Or, should I say, what’s that you’re not wearing? I think some people call it underwear.
That’s right. Last night at the Los Angeles premiere of Iron Man 3, Gwyneth hit the red carpet in a gorgeous gown with stylish sheer panels on the side. And everybody’s talking about it, because word on the street is she went commando. Yep, her undies might have been just as imaginary as gluten is in her diet. If you look at the pictures, there’s no sign of underwear, so it might be true.
And I have a fool-proof theory for why Gwyneth maybe went without her knickers. Look, it’s all about balance. You wear underwear every day of the week, and then one day a week you just gotta cheat a little bit and go without. Either that, or she has those day-of-the-week panties and the Wednesday ones went missing. You don’t want Gwyneth on the red carpet in Thursday underwear on a Wednesday, do you? That throws off the whole week, and she’s likely already missing Sunday’s pair, because of God, as When Harry Met Sally taught us. It would be a disaster.
One thing Gwyneth was not missing at the premiere was her knack for fascinating us with her words. Gwyneth told a red carpet interviewer that it’s so “obviously not true” that she’s the world’s most beautiful woman, but it’s an honor to receive the title. And then she turned around to walk away and said, “Oh, you noticed that? It’s just my perfectly sculpted backside. But you know, it’s so obviously not true that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I’m just going to walk away now. Do you see me walking away? Do you?”
She also said her son Moses hugged her “for like five minutes” after seeing Iron Man 3. It’s likely that Gwyneth was just cold from having such little body fat and needed to keep warm.
(Photos: FayesVision/WENN.com, Apega/WENN.com)