• Tue, Apr 23 2013

The Voice: Are These Battle Rounds Or Duets?

Shakira on The Voice, Week 4, Part 1

So last night’s episode of The Voice featured some of the best battle performances I’ve heard in the past two seasons of my watching this show. What’s weird though is that the battles sounded more like people were working together rather than competing against each other. I think it made the performances much better, but on the other hand it made the decisions THAT much harder and broke my heart several times when I liked both contestants.

Here are some of my favorite battles turned duets:

Jessica Childress vs. Vedo (winner), “Locked Out Of Heaven”

Monique Abbadie (winner) vs. Luke Edgemon, “You And I”

Patrick Dodd vs. Midas Whale (winners), “Burning Love”

And now that you’ve been wowed by these battle-ets, here’s what else we need to discuss from last night. 

Monique’s undergoes a big transformation: So when she auditioned Monique was like this rabid, caged animal singing Shakira’s “Loca” — she even crawled all over the stage like a slinky leopard. She had this wild curly hair and just killed it. When the montage for her battle prep began, I didn’t even know it was the same girl. Clearly hair and wardrobe played a strong hand here. Her hair was straightened, likely with added extensions, and they dressed her in a much more flattering and crisp style. Also, her singing style changed drastically from song to song. I feel like she sings like she’s trying to mimic the singer of the song she’s covering because she sounded like Shakira auditioning and now she sounds like Lady Gaga. Be yourself, woman! And keep crawling on the stage, please.

Shakira continues with her awesome Metaphors: Last week, Shakira compared one battle performance to refreshing tangerine ice cream. This week, she told Monique that she used the perfect amount of Tabasco without spoiling the recipe. Blake Shelton clearly does not click with these food metaphors but as the good half-tina (aka half-Latina, watch 21 and Over, starring everyone’s latest celebrity crush Skylar Astin if you didn’t get that reference) that I am, I completely understand all the food metaphors.

Shakira picks Monique, causes the biggest upset: Okay, I swear there are other highlights aside from Monique, but I was so in love with Luke’s performance of “You and I”. They both did a good job but he took it on another level and dumb Shakira is like “I’m gonna pick based on strategy and since the other judges said they liked Luke, I’ll pick Monique”. No, trick! If the other judges like him, you KEEP him. Ughhhhh. No one taught her that SHE has to be his judge in order for her to win with him. And then also, it’s like she’s forcing the other judges to pick him or else they’ll look like assholes for praising him, hearing Shakira’s plea, and NOT choosing him.

Jacqui Sandell vs. Savannah Berry’s match-up turns into the least exciting match-up ever: These two teen white girls sang a country song I never heard of, and they both sounded like Carly Rae Jepsen. They kind of looked like a Demi Lovato vs. brunette Taylor Swift deal. And that was about it. They were good, but they didn’t move me nearly as much as…every single other matchup tonight.

Usher delivers the best cultural reference: Adam Levine called Blake an oaf, and course Shakira’s like, “What’s an oaf?” and when Adam likens it to an ogre, she replies, “Oh, like Shrek!” Which was kind of funny, until Usher added, “Yeah with the layers”. And for some reason, I keeled over laughing thinking of Donkey and Shrek’s discussion about peeling back the layers. Maybe I’m the only one who likes obscure references like that, but it’s a good thing I do since I’m writing this article.

Usher and Blake delivers biggest LOLs for all: Usher tried to teach Blake to dance for a hot minute and Blake fulfilled everyone’s expectations by looking super white.

The only thing I didn’t like about last night was that The Voice is pulling some American Idol shit this season with their cliffhanger commercial breaks. What I loved about this show (besides EVERYTHING) was that you got the answer RIGHT AWAY. Nope, not anymore now that they have the ratings. Might as well dunk in Ryan Seacrest or The X-Factor‘s recently booted Khloe Kardashian to make it even more of a Simon Cowell fest.

Tonight will mark the last night of the battle rounds. What am I most excited for? Sassy Latinas battling it out which will probably end up in a catfight, and Shakira calling out one of her team members for trying to change something and not doing a good job. It’s about to go down! Check back tomorrow for a recap of THAT.

(Photo: Tumblr)

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  • Ruby Langeslay

    It’s weird that the battle rounds are almost over already! I’m excited to see what happens tonight, though. It looks like it’ll be pretty entertaining. I sadly won’t be home to see the episode live because I work a late shift at DISH on Tuesday nights. My DISH Hopper is set to tape it for me though. It records all the primetime shows on NBC every night. This way, I can just turn The Voice on as soon as I get home from work and not miss any of it.

    • Ruby L

      Readers, this is not actually me. It’s some kind of bot that retrieved my name. I wouldn’t comment on my own article to promote a product.