Yup - this week on Teen Mom 2 we caught Jenelle Evans red-handed…and this time she was filmed doing practically everything but legit shooting up in the bathroom. But it’s not like she’s ever tried to hide it. Even though she openly admits to marijuana use every week, Jenelle’s never copped to the accusations of her roommate, Allison Lester. But this week Jenelle has even quit caring that the entire film crew is there to film her talking to her felon boyfriend Kieffer Delp about purchasing pain killers. Cool moves, Jenelle. Your downward spiral is getting unbearable and even more frightening to watch. Like an episode of Intervention, I cringe at her drug use, her constant lack of money and life direction, her poor life choices in general and her affinity for low-life dudes. Unfortunately, MTV viewers are pretty much used to all of this. But particularly disturbing was the outright use of drugs to numb her psychoticness and mental illness, the enabling and abuse from Kieffer and the admitted and documented plan to go buy illegal painkillers. Alongside Farrah Abraham, we can chalk this up to the real consequences of getting used to being famous for nothing (Kim Kardashian syndrome) and still having the same untreated psychological problems. Good thing they’ve all decided to procreate!
But first, let’s talk about Leah Messer-Calvert, post-Myrtle Beach nuptials. The honeymoon phase was long over before it started cause basically, when you have twins, and are divorced, already got married in the courthouse and have never been on vacation with a dude until your actual wedding…then forget about it. Honeymoon? Pshhh…that’s like money we could be using to get new siding on our house. Yah -house, bitches. We’ve moved on up from the trailer park. Suck it. Anyway, Leah does her usual drive-me-insane phone call bit where she calls someone and when they ask her what she’s up to she says “nothing…” but then lays into a whole buncha something. Seriously, just begin your sentence without saying “nothing”. Sorry, that was a little Teen Mom 2 serial watcher vent. Anyway, she calls up the hubs to tell him about little Ali’s neuromuscular doctor appointment coming up. Jeremy Calvert can’t be there, but Daddy Corey Simms will be. So that’s good. Hearing the twins talk to Corey on the phone is super sweet. They have little baby West Virginia accents. And Leah and Corey manage to go a whole phone conversation without fighting. Bonus. Off they go to Ohio for the doctor appointment. A little pre-appointment waiting room chatter makes me nervous that Leah was considering nursing school at one point. “I think neuromuscular means nerves and muscles” says Leah. Gee, yah think? Yowsas. But not to worry. Leah’s full time job is wife and Mommy now that she’s officially married, so we probably won’t have to be too concerned. The rest of Leah’s segment just continues about Ali’s muscle problems, potential procedures that turn into actual procedures and Leah freaking out about it at the end…leaving a medical cliffhanger. I’ll admit it’s pretty heartbreaking to watch her go through all of this and for poor Ali to be developmentally challenged. And even if Leah isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, at least she’s a caring Mom, a good wife and for God’s sake she didn’t fight with Corey for at least one episode. I did enjoy the Easter Egg that MTV slipped in during the doctor’s appointment. Did you catch the weeble wobble comment? Genius.
Chelsea Houska’s daughter Aubree is turning 3-years-old and guess what…Adam Lind isn’t invited to her party this year. So there. And between planning the most princess-y party of the year and deciding if she can muster the energy to re-enroll in beauty school, Chelsea is one busy lady. But, as she’s dying her friend’s hair (Teen Mom 2 always makes me itch for a dye job) we learn that Chelsea loves school despite having to get up early. Wait, you have a child…how are you not used to getting up early already? But whatever, good for Chels. YAY CHELSEA! Kicking your Adam habit and getting back into school after your break. You show ‘em. Onto Aubree’s birthday party…which has more pink and purple than any other birthday party, including my 30th. Complete with a bouncy castle, Chelsea makes sure she’s gonna outshine whatever ol’ Adam is planning for his Aubree birthday party. Separate birthday parties is how it was meant to be, especially after last year’s fiasco. And unlike the party that
Barbara Jenelle planned for Jace, at least the beauty school gang wants to show up to celebrate Aubree’s birthday. Two words. Bouncy. Castle. However, Adam shows signs of being a good human being in this episode. He has a pool party for Aubree and invites all the friends. Including the girlfriend, who we don’t hear much about. Adam actually looks pretty cute with his child, and Aubree seems to enjoy being Daddy’s girl…when he’s around. He’s even gotten her an upgraded present from last year…a mini motorbike. Awwww. We’ll see if this is age appropriate like the last gift. But still, pretty adorable. Even the later drop off back to Momma Chels is drama-free. Chelsea has gotten over the pick-a-fight instinct and has instead become comfortable with the “ugh, why are you still here” and silent ignoring phase of getting over someone. It’s working well. Even though Chelsea is still a little jelly of Adam’s main squeeze being in a bikini at Aubree’s birthday…she resists the urge to scoop for details and is just happy that big girl Aubree is back in her arms. Awwww.
Kailyn Lowry is gearing up for her pre-boot camp this isn’t my real wedding courthouse ceremony to Javi Marroquin. She’s decided that the best time and place to tell Jo Rivera that she’s a) engaged b) getting married very shortly c) moving far away d) you can’t do anything about it…is at court-ordered counseling. Ah, witnesses. Good choice. But wait, no, that’s not Kailyn’s style. She’s definitely going to tell Jo after the therapy session, so not to seem like a cold-hearted biyatch in front of the professional stranger. Um…these girls do know that they are being filmed, right? But anyway, pre-therapy session, Javi decides to ruin Kailyn’s nice afternoon of Pinterest DIY crayon art-making session by starting an argument with her about therapy being stupid. Okaaaay? A confused and increasingly angered Kailyn puts her point in perspective, and Javi still eggs her on. It’s court-ordered yah dumb dumb..plus, if anyone needs it, it’s Kailyn. Way to be a supportive boyfriend/fiance/husband. It’s gonna be a loooooooong marriage if yah keep this up. Segway to the therapy session where Kailyn admits that they are there because of their tempers, while Jo admits that they are there because it’s court-ordered. Kailyn goes on about how she hates Jo’s girlfriend while Jo says ditto about Javi. For everyone who knows the secret reveal information, this is pretty ridiculous to watch. I’m assuming that Kailyn knows and just doesn’t care that she’s living a double standard times 100 when it comes to Jo’s girlfriend hatred. When they sit outside to talk, it’s pretty painful to watch it go down. Kailyn acts immature and finally Jo guesses the big news. Not that he’s really interested in any part except the fact that Isaac will be moving away from him, but still, the whole tease and reveal antics are childish on Kailyn’s part. Jo makes sure to put things in perspective by leading with the whole “you don’t even know this person, you’ve only been dating for a year” and ending with “my lawyer will be fighting with your lawyer”. Eeeesh. I feel bad for Jo. It’s the Kailyn show and he’s constantly fighting with her in and out of court just to see his son. Boooooooo. Absolute rubbish. You lose this week, Kailyn. Shame.
Finally, yes yes, we’ll talk about Jenelle. Her usual intro involves her being broke, being on drugs, being with Kieffer, being without Jace and being out of school. Sometimes, like this week, it’s all rolled into one. Here’s the kicker, though. Their landlord left them an awesome eviction notice after being one month late on their rent. WHO DOES THAT…questions Jenelle and sidekick Kieffer as they discuss the situation like rational adults. Ummm…every landlord in this universe. Oh, and hey, not to mention that they probably know about all the drug use, “tobacco” pipe selling, domestic abuse incidences and general mayhem that’s going on under that roof. So, just when things were looking up from the Gary Head abuse (he admitted guilt to the charges, took a plea and they dropped Jenelle’s charges), she goes and gets herself into another ridiculous Jenelle problem. Basically squatting in the house until they can come up with another apartment (that will allow felons to live there) and hoping that they don’t spend the last of their pipe-making money on…oooooooh wait a minute. Hold on. Fail already. After Babs comes over to
tell Jenelle how she really feels let Jenelle see Jace, they get into a fight where Kieffer pleasantly jumps in and gives his two cents and ends with Barbara storming out and Jenelle using it as an excuse to go use drugs. Yah see?!?! My Mom DRIVES me to use drugs. She’s so evil with her supporting me, raising my child financially and emotionally, bailing me out of jail and every situation I’ve gotten into and still allowing me 10 feet within my own child. Ugh, I’m so upset I could just drive to Wilmington, pick up some opiates and forget about this, my court issues and everything else. Yup. It’s like a flashback to when Babs was yelling out the door of her own house as Jenelle left with Kieffer to live in the front of the Honda Civic for a few days. My God. But at the end of the episode is when it’s really difficult to watch. Jenelle is cracked out and in bed. Kieffer decides to jump on her and act like everything is cool…with life and all. Jenelle is obviously upset and outright admits that she is depressed. Kieffer yells at her, calls her a liar and says she’s being dramatic and stupid. Of course, Jenelle can always be called dramatic and stupid and 99% of the time be accurate. However, this is clearly someone that has serious problems and Kieffer decides that the best course of action for her (and for him not to deal with it) is to go pick up some painkillers. That’s just love, ya’ll. Ugh. Disgusting. I’m not making excuses for Jenelle. We all know she’s a self-made whatever she is now. But man, it’s really sad to see. But again, it’s not like you can’t track this on twitter. Jenelle’s an open book of ridiculousness. MTV just happens to have documented it from the beginning.