Anna Kendrick just signed on to a new movie called The Voices, and it is officially the weirdest plot you’ll hear about today. It’s supposed to start filming in Berlin any day now, with speculation that it will have a release date of sometime early next year. The movie also stars Ryan Reynolds and Gemma Arterton, and is written by the same person who wrote Paranormal Activity, Michael R. Perry. That all seems pretty normal so far, but here’s the description of the plot, as released by Deadline:
“Reynolds plays a lovable but strange bathtub factory worker who yearns for the attention of a woman in accounting. When their relationship takes a sudden murderous turn, Jerry’s evil “talking” cat and benevolent “talking” dog lead him down a fantastical path that ultimately brings him to salvation.”
I have a few issues here that I think need addressing. First of all, what’s the deal with the quotation marks around ‘talking’ in regards to each of the animals? Are they talking or not? It makes me think that they’re chattering away, and Ryan Reynolds is only pretending to understand them. Like, they’re not making typical dog and cat woofs and meows, and they’re also not speaking English, but they are definitely saying gibberish words. Evil ones and benevolent ones.
I also like that the relationship ‘takes a murderous turn’. So…he murders her? Whenever my relationships take murderous turns, they rarely come back from them, so I’ve stopped calling them turns and started calling them murders.
And finally, a bathtub factory? I guess since bathtubs exist, it should logically follow that bathtub factories exist as well, but this is the first I’m hearing about them. So Ryan lovably but strangely puts the claw feet on the bathtubs, and lovably but strangely polishes up the porcelain, and lovably but strangely tests them out every day with a cheerful morning bubble bath. And then he goes about his murderous day and mediates nonsense arguments between his dog and his cat, each of whom sit on one of his shoulders and try to steer him with their advice. Sounds pretty straightforward to me. Thank god for Anna Kendrick to keep this boat afloat.
(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)