I’m worried about Kevin Jonas. There I said it. After watching the season two premiere of Married to Jonas last night, it started to become all too clear to me that the Deleasa family took him hostage after he married Daniella Deleasa — and that they plan to use him for his fame for as long as possible. Until his last drop of teenage stardom is sucked out and he’s just left waiting around for the Vh1 reality shows to come calling. And unlike last year, they’re not just content to star on his reality show about being married to Danielle. Being E-list celebrities isn’t enough for them anymore. They want it all. Including his house.
His house? Yes. The entire family literally moves into Kevin and Danielle’s house because their new house isn’t finished yet. And it’s not like they’re staying there for a week or so while construction wraps up. Nope. Mama Angela Deleasa moves a box of china into the kitchen in case she needs to entertain while they’re there. And then is all like, “Danielle, can I please have a drawer or a cabinet or an entire 2nd kitchen for my cooking stuff while I’m here?” Which causes Danielle to be like, “ohhh Mooommmmmmmm, you’re so annoying, but okay. Also here’s all of Kevin’s contacts in the industry…and Ryan Seacrest’s number for when you finish drafting that pitch for our own reality show on how we vampired Kevin Jonas.”
Obviously Kevin does not take this news well. In fact he takes it so unwell that he decides it’s time to move to New York City. Presumably to a building with a doorman who can actually stop his in-laws from coming into his home whenever they want. In fact he even says, ”I just want to lead a normal life where I can walk around naked.” Yes, despite owning his own home with his own wife, he still can’t walk around naked because the Deleasa family is ALWAYS around. Is it to so much to ask that the kid get a little privacy?
But because he’s Kevin Jonas and his angry voice sounds only a little bit louder than your elementary school 12-inch-ruler library voice, he whisper-explains to Danielle that it’s time they make the big move (AWAY FROM HER FAMILY). After a day spent playing tourist in a city where they’ve both more certainly spent a lot of time, Danielle agrees that it would be fun to live in the city. After all, suburban life can be pretty boring.
Unfortunately the Deleasa family does not take this news well, likely because they understand that they wouldn’t be invited to live in the new apartment. Danielle’s sisters are like “how dare you move so far away!” As if New York state wasn’t literally touching New Jersey state. As if it’s more than a short train ride away. Danielle makes her best conflicted face and I guess we’re supposed to assume that this is some kind of real dilemma. Even though it’s not! It’s normal for people to not live n the same house as their family after they’re married.
While I’d love to assume Kevin Jonas put his foot down and told Danielle they’re moving to New York and they’re not going to give her family their new address and that they’re all famewhore monsters who are desperate for attention, I doubt he did that. In fact, I’m sure he gave in to her family and ended up staying in the house with all of them. Forever. Just accepting the fact that he would never, ever be granted the grown-up privilege of being able to walk around his own home naked.