Kim Kardashian Wants To Be Clear That There’s Nothing Good About Being Pregnant

Kim Kardashian pregnant getting lunch in Beverly Hills April 2013Hey guys, I have a Monday challenge for you. If you really want to marry my daughter, you need to bring me three items.The first, a pelt of a lion. The second, the deathly hallows. The third, a quote from Kim Kardashian about her pregnancy that doesn’t make it sound like the worst thing that’s ever happened to a human being ever. The first two should be pretty difficult to find, although very straight-forward, but I’ll be damned if you’re gonna be able to find that third one. You’re gonna die looking for it, because in the months since we found out Kim’s gonna have a baby, she hasn’t had a single good thing to say about the process. So yeah, it’s an impossible task, okay? Why don’t you go and marry someone else’s daughter, and I’ll listen to more bad things about Kim’s epically difficult pregnancy, as told to Ryan Seacrest in an interview.

“I was waiting for this amazing experience where I could just do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, feel great, and it just hasn’t been that way. I haven’t had morning sickness, so I’ve heard that I’m really lucky, and I feel lucky, it’s just really painful everywhere. Seriously It’s not even an emotional [thing]–it’s like a pain, physically.”

Wait, no morning sickness? That actually sounds great, because I’ve heard that’s one of the most annoying things about nurturing a tiny life inside you. Khloe clarifies, though, saying about her sister:

“Her back hurts, her breasts hurt, her stomach hurts, her feet hurt, her head hurts, her eyes hurt, her nails hurt.”

I mean, yeah, that does sound pretty foul, but this poor baby is gonna come into the world and have such a bad reputation already, y’know? Everyone’s gonna be like, “Ugh, baby, you made our favorite reality star SO unhappy for nine months! Why should we even give you a chance! Get the hell out of my sporting goods store!” This is great for Khloe, though, because after all the time Kim spent rubbing her own pregnancy in her sister’s face, she’s getting her sweet sweet revenge right now, “I am loving my life every single second. It’s scaring me to death to have a baby.” It’s to the point now where Kim apparently called her and said, “Don’t do it! You’re so lucky. Hold onto these moments, Khloe, adopt! Surrogacy! Anything! I hate this!” Man, I’m gonna have such a heated conversation with this baby when it’s finally born. I’ve got words for you, Ksarah or Kashley. WORDS.

(Image: WENN.com)

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