So apparently Taylor Swift is house-hunting in Rhode Island, and I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but WHO IS THE MOST FAMOUS GUY IN RHODE ISLAND BECAUSE TAYLOR IS DEFINITELY DATING HIM. Okay, sorry about that outburst; it’s just I don’t work for a regular media outlet, so I’ve never had access to such an exciting scoop before. But remember before? She bought a property in Hyannis Port to be close to Connor Kennedy, and was looking at places in London when she was dating Harry Styles?? IT ALL FITS. WHO IS THIS GUY?!? Okay now, Alexis, just be professional and do the research necessary here. Stop shaking, fingers, we need to click over to Google and get some answers. Let’s type in “Who is the most famous person in Rhode Island?” annnnd…ohmygod it’s Paul DelVecchio, aka Pauly D from Jersey Shore. The press! The papers! Stop everything! This is hard investigative reporting at its finest! Except…Pauly D is way out of Taylor’s recent age range of 18.5 to 19 years of age, so this doesn’t make any sense. It’s obviously true, though, so let’s just put a pin in that detail for a second and learn about the house itself.
After totally lying to us in her new Diet Coke ad a couple weeks ago, Taylor spent some significant time this week touring a very famous property in Rhode Island known as the Harkness House. It sits on 5.23 acres, and it’s over eleven thousand square feet. No biggie though, guys, it only costs a little over $20 million. She had her family and her real estate agent out on Monday to look it over, and is apparently really excited about it. So regardless of whether or not she’s whispering sweet Jersey nothings with Pauly right now, it sounds like he won’t be the most famous person from Rhode Island for long. Get it, girl.
In related news, it turns out that Mena Suvari is from Rhode Island originally as well, so she could be Taylor’s new lovah also. How old is she now, twenty-three? And she never went to college, so maybe this is her dabbling phase? I don’t know. No judgement here, it’s just I’m a journalist now, so I don’t want to rule anything out. Gosh I hope I’m doing this right.