I don’t think we’ve taken time to properly appreciate what a gift we have in Scott Disick, you guys. That right there is a man who has absolutely no problem sharing his real life thoughts and opinions, no matter how deplorable, and we’re lucky enough to have him on a reality show. He’s a gem; a sparkling diamond, and it’s time for us to start appreciating him as such, for all his questionable gifts. Because let me tell you, I have a love/hate affair with every word that comes out of this guy’s mouth. On the one hand, he says some pretty horrible things, like scolding baby mama Kourtney Kardashian for not losing her baby weight fast enough the second time around, but on the other hand, I’m obsessed with the fact that he’s insane enough not to care that all of America saw him saying that. He’s a wretched man, but he does not give one fuck, and isn’t that the point of reality television? Isn’t that why it was created? So we could sit on our couch eating kale chips watching people yell and scream at each other with absolutely no accountability? I think so. Although I do feel obligated to tell you that it’s normally not kale chips I’m snacking on, it’s pints of Ben and Jerry’s. If I’m being honest, I’ve never eaten a kale chip in my life. I’m sorry.
But anyway, Scott always knows exactly how to get my schadenfreude rocks off, and this time is no different. Here’s how he describes his relationship with Kourtney, and explains why they aren’t married even though they have two kids — Mason, 3, and Penelope, 8 months:
“I think if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. You know what I mean?
Yes. Yes I do, Scott, and that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I only hope that one day I’m with a man who will speak so highly of me to the media. Swoon.
“I would say we’re decently happy. I feel like I used to want to get married more than she did, and then, being that she was always so not interested, I’ve decided not to be.”
Again — is someone writing this down? We need to get this written down in a diary and buried in a time capsule so that one day someone can dig it up and see how in love we all used to be. “I would say we’re decently happy.” It’s poetry! Straight off the tongue of the bard! My knees are quaking in mounting feminine hysteria as I imagine a mouth saying such words to me one day; or even someone loving me enough that when I wasn’t interested in getting married, they decided not to be as well. These two are such star-crossed lovers, we might as well call them Romeo and Juliet.