I don’t know who hired the Jonas Brothers‘ babysitter, but she’s certainly not doing her job very well. In fact, it’s getting to the point with these boys that i’m starting to think they pulled a don’t-tell-mom-the-babysitters-dead on their parents, because truth be told, they’re kinda out of control right now. Nick Jonas is allegedly off having secret lunches with his ex-girlfriend Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas is filming creepy video messages for high school girls and Kevin Jonas is secretly insulting Selena Gomez on what will go down in history as the Watch What Happens Live episode where something actually happened. At least in the tweenybopper world where twitter hashtags are about to duel it out in a way we’ve never seen before. We’re talking #JoBros, we’re talking #Selenators and we’re talking a bunch of confused parents who don’t understand why they’re daughters are falling apart emotionally.
But before you pick your team, let me give you the rundown on what happened. Kevin Jonas, known in most circles as the dad of the group, went on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen last night. While on the show, they played one of Andy’s favorite game called “Plead the Fifth.” Andy asks him who he thinks is the most overrated pop star out there right now. While he never names any names, he gets as close as you can without doing it. I would be remiss if my duties as an investigative journalist (who turned down no less than 6 jobs as at 20/20) if I didn’t point out that he used a classic middle school tactic here. Say everything without saying anything. That way when someone’s mom calls your mom saying you’re a bully, you can be like “Moooommm, I never said it was her who was wearing the see-through white pants, but if she was also wearing them on the day I discussed it as a general fashion taboo, I dunno, she should buy new pants.”
“Did you watch the MTV…no, no, I’m not going there…um, let’s see here, most overrated pop star…I think some people should stick to movies, some people should do music, so I’m going to just say there’s a group out there…man this is so hard because I feel like I’m going to get so much backlash…it’s not a group, it’s a person, I’m trying to be so nice and I can’t be so nice.”
He finally settles on Psy after debating whether or not he should reveal his real answer for an agonizing 1400 minutes. But I think we all know that’s not what he planned to say. No, I think by looking at what he said — MTV Movie Awards, movies, backlash — it’s pretty clear that he wanted to say Selena Gomez. Which is amazing, because he’s Kevin Jonas. It’s not like he’s really in a good place to be insulting up-and-coming pop stars. After all, it’s not so long ago that he was one of them. A mediocre singer who got set up with with a great shtick (three moppet-haired brothers!) and an eager preteen fan base. So I’m not really sure if he’s the right guy to be pointing fingers at people who are attempting to start a singing career with limited talent. But I’m sure the Selenators will let him know that very fact in no time.
Good luck to him today, I think he’s going to need it. Other things he might need? Um a bodyguard, a new identity and a babysitter who actually make sure that he stays in bed at night after she tucks him in.