Oh dear dear lord, please forgive me for taking your name in vain and refusing to believe in you and all those times I had premarital sex and just do me this one favor, won’t you please? There’s a rumor going around that Rihanna is pregnant with Chris Brown‘s baby, and I would just be the happiest little heathen in the whole wide world if that turned out not to be the case. See the thing is, Rihanna keeps canceling concert dates on her tour, and she’s being real shady about letting us know why. Supposedly it’s a throat infection, but it’s been going on for like a month, so speculation is getting pretty rife that it’s something more — like a BABY.
Don’t get me wrong, I think in the right moment, Rihanna will be a great mom…I just don’t know if that moment is now, when her favorite hobbies seem to be getting tattoos, smoking weed, generally being nude, and tweeting pictures of herself at various points during all the aforementioned activities. Particularly since current events suggest that Chris Brown would be this baby’s baby daddy, I’m kind of hoping that all these rumors are false and that it really is something more innocuous that won’t in fact grow to be a real live human who lives and breathes and is impressionable. Sadly, Rihanna has already said in the past that she’d like to have Breezy’s babies, so I guess it’s only a matter of time before this happens for real. But for now, even though she was seen exiting a medical building in Beverly Hills and has already canceled four dates in her Diamonds tour, RIhanna’s camp is still insisting that she’s on the road to recovery. As well as denying all pregnancy rumors, obviously. I don’t know, though — just to hedge my bets, I might try to go to church tonight and just slurp up some holy water. Just to be safe, y’know?
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