Dear Lord Of Pop Music In The Sky, Please Let Rihanna Not Be Pregnant

Rihanna exiting medical building in Beverly Hills California April 2013 hat sweatshirtOh dear dear lord, please forgive me for taking your name in vain and refusing to believe in you and all those times I had premarital sex and just do me this one favor, won’t you please? There’s a rumor going around that Rihanna is pregnant with Chris Brown‘s baby, and I would just be the happiest little heathen in the whole wide world if that turned out not to be the case. See the thing is, Rihanna keeps canceling concert dates on her tour, and she’s being real shady about letting us know why. Supposedly it’s a throat infection, but it’s been going on for like a month, so speculation is getting pretty rife that it’s something more — like a BABY.

Don’t get me wrong, I think in the right moment, Rihanna will be a great mom…I just don’t know if that moment is now, when her favorite hobbies seem to be getting tattoos, smoking weed, generally being nude, and tweeting pictures of herself at various points during all the aforementioned activities. Particularly since current events suggest that Chris Brown would be this baby’s baby daddy, I’m kind of hoping that all these rumors are false and that it really is something more innocuous that won’t in fact grow to be a real live human who lives and breathes and is impressionable. Sadly, Rihanna has already said in the past that she’d like to have Breezy’s babies, so I guess it’s only a matter of time before this happens for real. But for now, even though she was seen exiting a medical building in Beverly Hills and has already canceled four dates in her Diamonds tour, RIhanna’s camp is still insisting that she’s on the road to recovery. As well as denying all pregnancy rumors, obviously. I don’t know, though — just to hedge my bets, I might try to go to church tonight and just slurp up some holy water. Just to be safe, y’know?

(Image: Winston Burris / WENN.com)

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    • itsanewday

      You are a fuckin dumb ass. Fuck you and your stupid ass opinion. Take it and shove it. Who are you to say she shouldn’t have a baby you dick head. Fuck Off.

      • Jenni

        Hey, I don’t mean to be forward here…but have you ever considered being a poet. You have a way with words like I’ve never seen before.

      • Haha

        LMAO!

      • Imalia

        Best response EVER.

      • Jenni

        Hey, I don’t mean to be forward here…but have you ever considered being a poet. You have a way with words like I’ve never seen before.

      • http://twitter.com/Tobi_Is_Fab Nerdy Lucy

        Oh, such irony…

    • itsanewday

      You are a fuckin dumb ass. Fuck you and your stupid ass opinion. Take it and shove it. Who are you to say she shouldn’t have a baby you dick head. Fuck Off.

    • cici

      ugh all this world need is more stupid people making more stupid people.

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    • Wondering

      Why has no media reported the picture of her and the Wiz smoking dope on April 11th?

    • Aurora01

      She canceled her concert in Houston because of a drug overdose. http://blindgossip.com/?p=52639

      • http://www.facebook.com/gabrielle2lastnames Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        EVEN. BETTER.

    • Dot Stops

      Well wishes to Ms Fenty, I agree that she’ll be a great mom someday (future)

    • CG

      Are you going to write an article about this every time there is a pregnancy rumour about her?

      • Jenni

        Unless we turn into a scientific periodical overnight, probably.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Yeah probably, are you cool with that?