I don’t want to say I regret everything I’ve ever done, but I certainly could’ve done without listening to this new will.i.am song featuring Miley Cyrus this morning. As someone who’s witnessed her public unraveling at extremely close range, I wanted nothing more than for her to have another kick-ass hit like ‘Party In The USA’. You know, the kind of song that Liam Hemsworth would hear over his rusty car radio down in the Australian outback and be like, “I’ve made a huge mistake. I have to shave this facial hair and get back to my fiancee in Los Angeles!” But instead, Miley’s come up with the kind of song that inspires a reaction a little closer to, “Oh. Right. I have a fiance in Los Angeles. I wonder how she’s doing. I will go back to that place soon and see her, but first I’m off to capture more wallabys while I leave that wedding on hold.” I’m just assuming that that’s how people spend their time in the great Down Under, right? Wallaby chasing and delaying their weddings.
The song is called ‘Fall Down’, and it’s apparently co-produced by Dr. Luke, Benny Blanco and Cirkut. It will appear on will.i.am’s upcoming album #willpower, which we know will be extremely successful because there’s no better indicator of an album’s future popularity than how many Twitter-themed jokes it has in its title. Things are looking pretty pretty prettttty good. Even this song in particular isn’t even that bad, persay, it’s just boring. Especially since we know what Miley can do when she really puts her back into it (read: twerking), I was totes disappointed, you know? Give me a real anthem, Miley, and I swear I’ll put my engagement ring back on and meet you at the hair salon. This reconciliation hairstyle isn’t gonna cut itself.
(Image: Twitter / WENN.com)