While some of you woke up today, saw the date and thought nothing of it, Jennifer Garner and Victoria Beckham woke up, saw the date and sang happy birthday to themselves. Yes, you read that right! The two most opposite mothers in all of Hollywood share the same birthday. What does it mean? I’m not sure. But I do know that it means something. God doesn’t do coincidences. Especially not in the spring time. He’s too busy planting flowers and pitting rainstorms against my hair to bother with something as trivial as a coincidence.
In honor of their birthdays, I thought we could play a little game I like to call “Are You a Victoria Beckham or a Jennifer Garner.” Or as it’s known casually around town, “Are You A Fashion Icon or a Mom-Jeans-Maven?” While this quiz is totally made just for fun, your answers do have seriously implications for the future of your future child.
So with no further ado, you may begin. Please have a number two pencil handy to write down your answers and take down any notes.
1. Your child comes home from school covered in paint, do you:
A. Take a photo of her messy uniform and upload it to Instagram with the caption, “future Van Gogh!” Then turn the hose on, create a mud patch in the backyard and encourage her to have a good time.
B. Why would a child ever be using paint? It’s so messy and so wet. Also it stains. Perhaps as an act of rebellion? Yes, it must be rebellion. Make a note to speak with the the family’s on-call psychologist in the morning.
2. Your child refuses to eat the breakfast you made. Do you:
A. Apologize for forgetting that the child prefers the chocolate pancakes to look like a smiley faces and then make up for it by whipping up a fresh batch of blueberry muffins and some homemade hot chocolate.
B. Remind your child that juice cleanses are expensive and that the glass better be empty by the time you get back.
3. Your child wants to leave the house wearing a horribly coordinated outfit. Do you:
A. Not even notice.
B. Laugh at their wonderfully twisted sense of humor and then tell the child to go change quickly because the Burberry shoot’s in 15 minutes. And if the child wants to have a long career in fashion, it’s best not to keep people waiting.
4. Your child begs to stay up later than her bedtime on a school night. Do you:
A. Make a compromise that allows the child to stay up later, but only if the child’s reading quietly in her room and ready to discuss the book in the morning over breakfast.
B. Make a compromise that allows the child to stay up later, but only if the child’s going to spend the time wisely by practicing walking in stilettos through a crowded airport. Bonus points if the child can remain calm and collected around paparazzi.
5. Your child wants a puppy for Christmas. Do you:
A. Remind the child that having a dog involves becoming much more responsible. Such as waking up earlier to walk it and feed it and take care of it.
B. Buy the child an extremely rare small dog as well as a live-in dog walker, a live-in dog feeder and a live-in dog pooper-scooper.
If you answered mostly A’s, congrats, you’re a Jennifer Garner. While you’re going to spend approximately 18-24 years running around town in sneakers, your child will grow up to be happy, healthy and craft-project prepared at all times.
If you answered mostly B’s, congrats, you’re a Victoria Beckham. While you’re going to spend approximately 18-24 years running around town in heels, your child will grow up to be happy, healthy and runway ready at all times.
If you did not answer anything at all, then you’re already a horrible mother. Good luck to you, because you and your kids are going to need it.
(Photos: © Jean Catuffe, PacificCoastNews.com/Survivor, PacificCoastNews.com)