• Wed, Apr 17 2013

Get Out Your Finest Wig ‘Cause Don’t Be Tardy… Is Back!

kim zolciak don't be tardy premiere

Last night, the second season of Don’t Be Tardy…, the Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off starring Kim Zolciak, premiered. As you might recall– if you follow these sorts of things– last season the show was called Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. I love that now it’s just called Don’t Be Tardy… They didn’t finish the sentence. I get that now she’s married, but could they not come up with anything besides dot, dot, dot? Don’t Be Tardy For Life? Don’t Be Tardy For Marriage? Don’t Be Tardy for [insert random business venture here]? The ellipses are defeat– a clear admission that Kim has nothing going on. The pictures of the “cast” on the show’s website are also hilariously half-assed:

don't be tardy bravo website cast

There isn’t much to say about that besides, WTF? Looks like Kroy Biermann didn’t show up on school picture day.

The premiere was a two-parter. These have got to stop. I’ve expressed my feelings on two-part premieres and finales before and this one made even less sense because the episodes were aired right next to each other. Why not just an hour long episode? Anyways, the first episode starts with Kim in labor and they did not waste ANY time. She’s in the hospital room talking about how she wants a “venti caramel macchiato” after she delivers, there’s a shot of the door to her room, and then, without cutting to commercial, we go back into the room and Kim’s already had the baby! She says she “only pushed for five minutes.” This is all before the credits. This show isn’t messin’ around!

Except it is. It so is. Nothing much happens after this. I don’t know why the baby part was so fast, but next thing ya know, it’s three months later and Kim, Kroy, and all four of her kids are living in her townhouse. The same townhouse she had to move into after getting kicked out of her mansion on RHOA and Kim repeatedly complains that it’s too small. She and Kroy have already purchased a new giant house but it’s under construction for the next eight months or so. K and K visit the new place and the show turns into House Hunters for five minutes while Kim talks about how she needs a two-story closet and custom tiles in her pool.

Later, back at the townhouse, Kim’s stylist Shun (pronounced Shawn) helps her organize a buncha stuff including “sixty wigs” and a ton of sweatpants. Seriously more sweatpants than I have sweatpants, normal pants, skirts, and shorts combined. Also, I would’ve guessed she had, maybe, ten wigs tops. Soon mundane things like sweatpant organization are over because Kim gets a dramatic phone call! Her publicist tells her that her mom is planning to publish a tell-all book about Kim’s crazy life including her past as a stripper. Kim is quick to let us know that she’s never actually been a stripper and that her mom is just nutso and doing this for the money. I’m siding with Kim here. There’s no other reason to write a tell-all book.

So then the next episode starts. Again, I have no idea why these were separated other than this way they could fill time by using both “on the next episode” AND “on the previous episode” clips. In the first scene, Kim is complaining to her baby, Kash Kade (real name), about her crazy mom while they flip through family photos on her iPad. Other than a few coos, Kash doesn’t have very good advice, so Kim and Kroy visit a lawyer who tells them that in addition to the book, Kim’s mom is suing her to get visitation rights to see her granddaughters (yes, just the girls). Kim cusses like f-ing crazy through this whole show and a formal meeting with a lawyer is no exception. Kroy doesn’t hold back either.

A quick word on Kroy here: He’s a football player for the Atlanta Falcons. I know what you’re thinking, he must be one of those guys that just sits on the bench and never really does anything, why else would he be on a reality TV show? No, he actually plays and isn’t bad. If this were a sports site, I would say I know nothing about football, but we are where we are, so I will say I follow football an above average amount for this website. Let me tell you, it is very weird to hear Kroy’s name while watching a game and have pictures of Kim Zolciak’s wig-covered head come flooding through your mind.

Kim does some other stuff in this episode like throw a birthday party for her daughter Ariana and visit the new house to see how the construction’s going, but it’s clear that the mom drama is the driving force of Don’t Be Tardy… It’s weird seeing Kim not in contrived situations (trips, events, etc.) with other really dramatic women as she was on RHOA. She still is over-the-top, cusses like a sailor, and isn’t always the sharpest tool in the two-story shed, but she is no where near as crazy or bitchy seeming as she was on Housewives. She appears to be a good mom and a pretty decent person.

The episode ends with Kim telling her daughters that the info about her mom’s book and court case has been leaked on the internet. Brielle, her older daughter, responds, “Does that mean my friends will know about it?” This is sad, but the girls agree that this came out of no where and there’s no need for grandma to sue since they’re already fine with seeing her.

In the end, there really isn’t that much happening on Don’t Be Tardy… Dare I say, even less than on Kardashian shows but this could be simply because there’s like an eighth as many people. If you already like Kim or Real Housewives, Tardy will give you another side of her or at least another show to zone out to after a long day.

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