Last night on TLC’s Welcome to Myrtle Manor (Season 1 Episode 7) the greatest mystery in trailer park history — perhaps even in world history — was solved. Sort of. Maybe. Kind of. A little bit. Not Really. Actually, not at all. Marvin the security guard’s urination investigation concluded, but the trailer park demanded a retrial, citing evidence tampering. Let’s unpack this week’s episode, shall we?
Cecil is still upset with his landlady daughter Becky at the start of the episode, and her daughter Alyson is not exactly pleased either. At the town hall meeting, Becky takes out her frustration on Aunt Jeana with a J, who hosted a group of bikers on her porch for her birthday. Becky also demands that Jessica button her shirt up more, because that’s the kind of thing landladies have the authority to dictate. This week’s gimmick to get everyone to behave? A community yard sale! Because nothing makes people get along quite like haggling over their used junk.
But the most important development from this meeting is that Marvin is going forward with his bed-peeing investigation and is collecting DNA evidence (or as he repeatedly calls it, piss) from the suspects. Taylor is willing to do anything to prove he’s innocent of peeing on Jessica’s bed, including going into the bathroom in the middle of a town meeting to pee in a cup, then bringing it out for Marvin to proudly display.
While Marvin is busy doing whatever he’s doing with that pee, Taylor starts preparing a lingerie party in a storyline that finally introduces us to Shellie, the trailer park witch we’ve heard so much about. She agrees to host Taylor’s party at her rock music venue, then nearly traps him in her trailer with a “witch spell” on the door knob. This should be interesting. Taylor’s lingerie party prep also involves inviting half-naked women into his trailer, because, as he says, “It’s part of my job.” Becky is so outraged by Taylor’s guests that she threatens eviction through a megaphone if he doesn’t come out. When he doesn’t come out, she drives away with Alyson repeatedly asking her “Are you gonna evict him?” to no avail. I’m sure she’ll do it next time.
Meanwhile, the urination investigation continues as Marvin approaches Jessica at her car/makeshift home to ask for her piss sample, because he doesn’t want to rule her out as a suspect. Just like with Taylor, apparently this can’t be done in private, because Jessica just scurries behind the car to provide the evidence. And she peed on her hand a little bit, so that was lovely. Marvin also demands a pee sample from my favorite character Gus the bulldog, who politely complies.
As if peeing in a cup wasn’t bad enough, at the yard sale, Taylor gets attacked by Becky’s husband Curtis for talking to Alyson. Marvin tries to break it up by just sort of hovering over them and calling Taylor “Tyler.” He’s busy studying pee samples, okay?!
At Taylor’s lingerie party, Chelsey and Amanda sell their wieners, and they sneak Jessica in as their wiener mascot, despite the fact that Taylor has forbidden her from coming. Even though Jessica’s face is covered, Taylor knows it’s her, just like that girl on The Today Show knew the creepy bearded guy was Joe Jonas last week. Taylor is so mad he leaves his own party, because… well, just because.
Because things are getting out of control under Becky’s supervision, Cecil decides control of the park should go to 20-year-old Alyson, who then hosts the infamous urination investigation hearing, during which Marvin presents his disgusting evidence, visual aid included. I’d argue it wasn’t necessary to include dried urine on the poster, but what do I know about the legal process?
What ensues is a classic imitation of the Maury format, in which Marvin removes the test results from manila envelopes and announces, “Gus, you are not the pisser!” Taylor isn’t the pisser either, apparently. That leaves the conclusion that Jessica wet her own bed. The trailer park is not okay with that, and they argue that Marvin tampered with the evidence, possibly showering with it, bust most likely switching the cups to please his crush Anne, Taylor’s mom.
So we’re left still wondering who the phantom pisser really was. And then we see this episode’s equivalent of the Kaiser Soze reveal, in which Gus climbs on the bed, something everyone thought to be impossible. Was he this pisser? Will we ever find out? Tell me, Myrtle Manor!