Here’s a question I never thought I’d ask myself: Is Harry Styles dating a stripper or Ke$ha? Both? Neither? I demand that these rumors be cleared up so I can sleep at night.
I could just not say anything else and leave you with that question to ponder for the rest of the day, with no background information. But you probably have things to do today, and you don’t want this mystery hanging over your head, so I suppose I should explain where these rumors originated, eh?
In our first rumor, stripper Chelsea Ferguson allegedly told The Daily Mirror that she and Harry were “intimate” after a One Direction show in Newcastle, England. Harry Styles’ people have declared that the report was a “complete fabrication,” and Chelsea also denied the story on her Twitter yesterday. But but but… just a few days earlier Chelsea had retweeted comments about her alleged tryst with Harry, such as “I wonder if Taylor Swift will write a song about @chelsfergo partying with her ex Harry Styles.” Perhaps the old adage “Whoever retweeted it completed it” is true here. I’m aware nobody says that, but I’m invoking it in this case.
So now that you have that story stashed away in your mental rumor file, listen to this next report. According to Marc Malkin at E! News, last night at the MTV Movie Awards, Ke$ha admitted that she and Harry have been texting back and forth:
“We’ve texted here and there,” Ke$ha exclusively revealed to me yesterday at the MTV Movie Awards. “No sexting—not yet. Maybe he can be my cougar bait.”
That’s right. Ke$ha made time in her crazy beautiful life to text Harry Styles. And maybe there’s something there. Ke$ha also admitted that Harry looks like Mick Jagger, and we all know she kicks guys to the curb if they don’t, so there’s a check mark. Plus, Ke$ha’s been looking cleaner lately. Maybe she thinks she’s gotta live up to Harry’s squeaky-clean ex Taylor Swift? Speaking of Taylor Swift, what would a Ke$ha revenge song sound like? Would she rhyme “glitter” with “bitter” and then make out with a centaur in the music video for no reason in particular?
The only problem I have with this coupling is that Harry is sans beard. And Ke$ha is obsessed with beards and putting them in her mouth. So maybe it’s mismatched.
(Photo: Craig Harris/WENN.com)