• Fri, Apr 12 2013

In Totally Believable News, Ryan Gosling’s Sick And Tired Of Seeing Eva Mendes Naked

Ryan Gosling Eva Mendes DatingYou know who I hate seeing naked? Beautiful people. It’s the worst! So I totally understand why Ryan Gosling is sick and tired of seeing his girlfriend Eva Mendes naked. It’s hard on the eyes to see so much beauty every single day.  It’s why I only date ugly people. I don’t have to doubt myself as to whether it’s safe to put my contacts in. Rather than having to look down as I walk around the house, I can stare the person straight in the eye and be like, “I l-o-v-e that snaggle tooth you have up in that mouth of yours. And is this a real humpback? A third nipple, why I never! Get back in bed you little minx and don’t you dare take that retainer out!”

According to Star (and Celebitchy who so kindly wrote up their print story for the interweb), the nakedness got so out of control that Ryan had to actually ask Eva to start wearing some clothes around the house.

At first he thought all his Christmases had come at once,” dishes an insider. “But after a few embarrassing moments when he’s brought a colleague or pal home and they catch a glimpse of a stark-naked Eva, he’s told her to wear more clothes around the house.” Eva didn’t take too kindly to her man’s requests to cover up.

Can you imagine how embarrassed you would be if you brought friends home and your gorgeous girlfriend was just walking around naked? Speaking as a recovering never-nude here, I’d be mortified. Luckily the two lovebirds have come to an agreement in terms of her clothing. She’ll (grudgingly) wear a bathrobe when he’s home, if and only if, he’s okay with the fact that she’ll be wearing nothing but her outer epidermis when he’s not home.

It’s a win-win for both of them. Also a win for my 7th grade stand-up act that revolved around the joke, “your epidermis is showing!”

(Photo: PacificCoastNews.com)

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    One time all my Christmases came at once and it was very stressful. Too much hot cocoa.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    This is total bullshit they would even let you write and publish such bullshit. Don’t you have a life? Maybe you don’t, but I assure you, other people do and your article is so boring and dreadful. Get another job.