If you woke up this morning confused and concerned that our country hadn’t come to aÂ consensusÂ yet about who we’d most like to f*ck, worry yourself no more.Â The fine people atÂ DetailsÂ magazine conducted aÂ highlyÂ extensive and very scientific study Â and concluded thatÂ Ryan GoslingÂ andÂ Mila KunisÂ are the most f*ckable celebrities alive. (And Thomas Jefferson and Bloody Mary are the most f*ckable celebrities dead.) They are the two people you would be least likely to turn down when the lights go on at a bar around 3 A.M and someone yells “last call!”Â Earlier today I reached out to them for a comment on their success, they both responded with “duh, is this your first day on the Internet or something noob!?” Don’t quote me on that though because the entire convo took place on Snapchat.
Other people who placed on this very prestigious list includeÂ Bradley Cooper,Â Channing Tatum, Jessica Alba and Jennifer Lawrence. But when push comes to shove, these kids just couldn’t make the cut for first place.
However the problem with this entire study is that f*ckable is such a bad word to use. Mostly because you have to use an asterik to spell it out. Also because it doesn’t matter how f*ckableÂ someoneÂ is if you’re never going to f*ck them. So it’s actually just a sad reminder that you’ll never sleep with any of these people. Even if they got last place on this list. Â (Unless you’re Ashton Kutcher or Eva Mendes, in that case congrats dudes! Also thanks for stopping by our little ole site here.)
In conclusion, it’s why I hate these lists. We already know these people areÂ beautifulÂ Why must we also remind ourselves that they’re completely unattainable? A more useful list would be someone going through all my male frenemies on Facebook and ranking them in terms of f*ckabilty. That way I know who to ironically-but-not-really-ironically poke.
(Photos:Â Optic Photos, PacificCoastNews.com/Sam Sharma, PacificCoastNews.com)