Today, we wish a happy 23rd birthday to Alex Pettyfer. You know, the owner of an impeccable set of abdominals in Magic Mike. No, silly, not Channing Tatum. That other guy. The one that starred with Vanessa Hudgens in that Beauty and the Beast knock-off. Oh, didn’t catch that one? Good call. Well, then, just trust me on this one – he exists and it’s his birthday.
If you’re Googling him right now, good luck. Despite his role as a male stripper prodigy in last year’s eye-candy smorgasbord, Alex Pettyfer has all but disappeared from the public eye as of late. Two years ago, he was primed to become Hollywood’s next bad boy, blowing off his own movie premieres, trash-talking Hollywood like any respectable Brit, and tattooing himself with the names of now ex-girlfriends Emma Roberts and Dianna Agron. There was some mild drama with Elvis’s granddaughter, Riley Keough, when they split amidst cheating allegations, but his PR team clearly did a decent job of dispelling the accusations. Boooring.
Seriously, Alex Pettyfer, when did you decide to grow up? I know we told you awhile back that you should lay low for awhile, but who knew you’d actually listen to us. C’mon, who are you kidding? You have a tattoo above your man parts that says “Thank You,” and that thing ain’t henna. You, my friend, are certified bad boy. If there’s any day to dust off your reputation and get back into the game, it’s your birthday. Here’s hoping you party like a rock star tonight and give us some newsworthy drama to tweet about tomorrow. In case you need some inspiration, here are a few ideas to boost your bad boy rating, inspired by a few other Hollywood gems.
1. Take a cue from the ultimate birthday diva and take off your shirt.
Before you commence with any kind of birthday celebration, you’re going to need to remove that t-shirt a la Justin Bieber. Don’t act like you don’t want to, we all know you’re more than comfortable flaunting that torso of yours. What was the point of starring as a male stripper if you aren’t going to utilize those skills, eh? For good measure, be sure to get kicked out of a club for completely valid reasons, and then rant about it on Twitter and Instagram ad nauseam.
2. Make rude comments about your girlfriend’s weight.
Leave it to the womanizing crooner Mr. John Mayer to show you how its done. Date a lovely pop icon, fool us into thinking that she just might be the one, and dump her after she eats a Double-Double from In-N-Out and weighs in a couple pounds heavier. I mean, not everyone can keep up with your six-pack, right? Sometimes you just gotta cut a woman loose.
3. But be sure you’ve already got another lady lined up.
Nothing says “bad boy” in Hollywood like serial dating despite a proven track record of bad behavior. The women just can’t stay away, right? Take it from Chris Brown, who broke up with Rihanna yet again, and had another woman on his arm in a matter of hours. Now that’s classy. No wonder he’s so popular these days.
4. And that lady should probably be Amanda Bynes.
Okay, sure, she isn’t a Hollywood bad boy. But since you’re looking to get back in the spotlight, I’d consider courting Amanda Bynes immediately. These days, the girl is getting headlines on the daily. With her edgy cheek piercings and highly innappropriate tweets, she is a cookie jar full of ideas to restore that questionable rep you had going. If you want to make some jaws drop, she’s your girl..