Happy Birthday Alex Pettyfer: Here Are A Few Simple Steps to Regain Your Bad Boy Street Cred

Alex Pettyfer Filming New Orleans 2012 ToplessToday, we wish a happy 23rd birthday to Alex Pettyfer. You know, the owner of an impeccable set of abdominals in Magic Mike. No, silly, not Channing Tatum. That other guy. The one that starred with Vanessa Hudgens in that Beauty and the Beast knock-off. Oh, didn’t catch that one? Good call. Well, then, just trust me on this one – he exists and it’s his birthday.

If you’re Googling him right now, good luck. Despite his role as a male stripper prodigy in last year’s eye-candy smorgasbord, Alex Pettyfer has all but disappeared from the public eye as of late. Two years ago, he was primed to become Hollywood’s next bad boy, blowing off his own movie premieres, trash-talking Hollywood like any respectable Brit, and tattooing himself with the names of now ex-girlfriends Emma Roberts and Dianna Agron. There was some mild drama with Elvis’s granddaughter, Riley Keough, when they split amidst cheating allegations, but his PR team clearly did a decent job of dispelling the accusations. Boooring.

Seriously, Alex Pettyfer, when did you decide to grow up? I know we told you awhile back that you should lay low for awhile, but who knew you’d actually listen to us.  C’mon, who are you kidding? You have a tattoo above your man parts that says “Thank You,” and that thing ain’t henna. You, my friend, are certified bad boy. If there’s any day to dust off your reputation and get back into the game, it’s your birthday. Here’s hoping you party like a rock star tonight and give us some newsworthy drama to tweet about tomorrow. In case you need some inspiration, here are a few ideas to boost your bad boy rating, inspired by a few other Hollywood gems.

1. Take a cue from the ultimate birthday diva and take off your shirt.

Before you commence with any kind of birthday celebration, you’re going to need to remove that t-shirt a la Justin Bieber. Don’t act like you don’t want to, we all know you’re more than comfortable flaunting that torso of yours. What was the point of starring as a male stripper if you aren’t going to utilize those skills, eh? For good measure, be sure to get kicked out of a club for completely valid reasons, and then rant about it on Twitter and Instagram ad nauseam.

2. Make rude comments about your girlfriend’s weight.

Leave it to the womanizing crooner Mr. John Mayer to show you how its done. Date a lovely pop icon, fool us into thinking that she just might be the one, and dump her after she eats a Double-Double from In-N-Out and weighs in a couple pounds heavier. I mean, not everyone can keep up with your six-pack, right? Sometimes you just gotta cut a woman loose.

3.  But be sure you’ve already got another lady lined up.

Nothing says “bad boy” in Hollywood like serial dating despite a proven track record of bad behavior. The women just can’t stay away, right? Take it from Chris Brown, who broke up with Rihanna yet again, and had another woman on his arm in a matter of hours. Now that’s classy. No wonder he’s so popular these days.

4. And that lady should probably be Amanda Bynes.

Okay, sure, she isn’t a Hollywood bad boy. But since you’re looking to get back in the spotlight, I’d consider courting Amanda Bynes immediately. These days, the girl is getting headlines on the daily. With her edgy cheek piercings and highly innappropriate tweets, she is a cookie jar full of ideas to restore that questionable rep you had going. If you want to make some jaws drop, she’s your girl..

(Photo: PacificCoastNews.com)

Share This Post:
    • Pingback: Happy Birthday Alex – now WTF?? | Planet Pettyfer()

    • incredulous

      I don’t come to Crushable for intelligence, but here are just a few ways that your little article is stupid. 1) Alex has a film coming out in the fall, and is staring in a film that shoots in May. If it weren’t for the fact that Kristen Stewart is a flake, he would have had another in the can. That’s hardly the same as dropping off the face of the Earth. 2) If you are still repeating the fiction that Alex has a tattoo anywhere on his body that says “thank you,” you are probably too stupid to be allowed to use the internet. 3) the “drama” with Elvis’ granddaugher, was entirely fabricated, and for the record, Alex and Riley Keough never broke up (unless you are suggesting that Riley likes to randomly post pictures on Instagram of herself and her ex boyfriend cuddling together on a regular basis.) In conclusion, Alexis Blair, I don’t know who you are, but people who get their information from the National Enquirer and US magazine, probably aren’t in the best position to had out advice to other people. Stick to doing what you do best, like finishing the seventh grade.

      • Jenni

        I don’t read comments for intelligence, but here are just a few ways that you blew me away with your analysis…sorry..BRB…taking Alexis back to 7th grade..she’s always escaping and writing for us. #UGHHHHH

      • incredulous

        Oh be honest. You don’t read… full stop.

      • Jenni

        Okay, you win. I don’t read. Full stop. No questions asked.

      • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

        Jenni you are missing waht you were born to do and that is acting as a consultant for thousands of sites who are monitored by people who don’t have a clue as to how to do it. Charge big bucks to advise them. You stand alone. Really. No one else knows how.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Can someone print this post out for me? I’m also too stupid to use the internet.

      • incredulous

        You said it, not me.

      • http://twitter.com/sixelABlair Alexis Blair

        Blast! How could I have forgotten to cyberstalk Elvis’ kin on Instagram? I knew I was missing something.

      • incredulous

        Honey, you are missing a lot of things. Brain cells, for instance.

    • Michele

      Alex has grown up, has he? Well, what about you¾the writer of this trash?

      You write under the guise of wishing someone a “Happy
      Birthday,” then continue to drag out every lie that’s ever been written and
      every negative you can think of, for the sole purpose of attacking another
      human being? And you don’t even bother to check fact from slandering fiction—which ALL of this is.

      I pity anyone who has such hatred in their hearts towards someone they have never
      even met. I am sure that Alex Pettyfer will have a great day today, on his
      birthday. I can only hope you that you writer, with such a horrible attitude towards
      others, can have half the day he has. Maybe it will bring some light into your
      life.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Speaking of bringing light into peoples’ lives, thank you Michele, for bringing some into ours!

      • http://twitter.com/sixelABlair Alexis Blair

        My day is going fabulously, it may even be 2/3 the day he’s having!

      • Michele

        Now if only you had 2/3 the intelligence.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That’s not very nice, Michele.

      • incredulous

        Do you know what else isn’t very nice? Spreading lies about people.

      • Michele

        Now if only you had 2/3 the intelligence.

    • Karen

      I guess Alexis Blair has mastered the art of “cut and paste” of nonsense from other sites. Happy birthday Alex Pettyfer! Many happy returns.

    • Karen

      I guess Alexis Blair has mastered the art of “cut and paste” of nonsense from other sites. Happy birthday Alex Pettyfer! Many happy returns.

    • Pingback: From Our BFFs: Naya Rivera & Big Sean Make Their Couple Debut! | My Teenager Days()

    • Pingback: Alex Pettyfer Not In The Running For Fifty Shades of Grey()