Oh yah guys, it’s time for the weekly update on how Jenelle Evans is destroying her own life and everyone else’s on Teen Mom 2. Assuming that this is the last season of Teen Mom 2, I’m positive that the MTV producers are making sure to document every last Jenelle Evans incident that can be documented. After all, I’ve been waiting to see if all of the prior knowledge of internet photos, rumors, tweets, etc matched up to the full version aired on TV. This week, Teen Mom 2 reminds us to make sure that when you propose (or accept a proposal) that it’s for real for real. And maybe not while you’re laying in bed and the dude is a psycho who beats you and who’s also taking it all pretty seriously by laughing the whole way through his asking you to marry him. Ok, good.
After her blow up with Gary Head and subsequent arrest, Jenelle is…yup you guessed it…hanging with Kieffer Delp again. Because who wants to be alone in this time of need? Better to just call your ex-boyfriend who got you arrested the first time and totally is doing nothing with his life except hanging at your house and undoubtedly contributing to your drug habit. Excellent! But we all know that Jenelle can’t be alone and has to drag most people in her small town into her drama. So, merely reflecting on her bad choices, getting over Gary on her own, and maybe getting back in school and spending more time with Jace, isn’t a priority. Nah, calling Kieffer to be the third unwanted roommate is probably the best logical scenario Jenelle could think of. So anyways, when Jenelle isn’t spending all her free-from-jail-Jace-employment-responsibility with Kieffer, she’s meeting up with Tori Rhyne (yes, bff and “friend” with the most airtime Tori), and explaining what the F happened the night Jenelle and Gary got arrested simultaneously. Cause, as an engaged couple, you are now expected to do everything together. As Jenelle explains the domestic violence spat, I’ll bet Tori’s thankful that a) she still has her bff status with Jenelle so that she can comfort her in her time of need b) Jenelle is asking for her sound advice and Tori can give it to her and c) that Tori dodged the bullet that is making a one night stand with Gary Head last longer than one night. But after that, Tori is interested in whether or not Jenelle and Kieffer are together together or what. Jenelle affirms that they are together but have no title…aka bangin’ and livin’ in Jenelle’s house rent-free.
But what Jenelle doesn’t ask for in financial assistance, she definitely requests in emotional and physical retaliation against Gary Head. Ah, the best type of revenge. Having your ex-boyfriend accompany you to your court hearing, where you know your ex-fiance is gonna see him, and definitely make a scene outside the courthouse when Kieffer “I have nothing to lose,” Delp shouts and threatens to beat up Gary as Gary ignores everything while walking away. Well, at least someone is hip to learning lessons. Oh yah, and not wanting to go to jail. Since Kieffer is already a seasoned veteran of the prison system, what’s another term when it comes to protecting the woman you umm love? Whatever brah…we can take this to the woods and settle this once and for all…wait…wait…hold on, I’m talking to you…don’t walk away from me…oh, forget it. In the end, it’s Kieffer who’s won the consolation prize - who goes home with Jenelle and her new boobs…and also without Babs’ approval, so who’s really won? Yup, you got it, no one. Well, maybe Gary since he’s also dodged the insanely unstable Jenelle bullet. But still, I hope through all this ridiculousness Jenelle gets her day in court to address the seriousness of the allegations against Gary and Gary’s against hers.
Chelsea Houska’s got a brand new bag…newly brunette, which makes her look better, despite her also having mono. Bummer. But, even with another announcement that she’ll have to vacate her rental home (seriously, the odds of this are silly…maybe it’s a Sioux Falls thing…which strengthens her argument for wanting to get outta dodge), Chelsea is soldiering on through mono and life. With a cranky Aubree and an idiot Adam Lind, Chelsea is trying to hold it together and continue through beauty school…even though girlfriend has missed like a ton of classes. At first, with plans of just making up the classes, it seems like Chelsea is moving forward. But nope…she calls Dad over to tell him she wants to take a leave of absence from school. Which Dad is not too thrilled about considering Chelsea’s track record of taking a shit ton of time to finish anything…like her GED. Let’s hope Adam doesn’t come back into the picture cause laaaaaawd knows that would be the ultimate effed up distraction. But seriously, I think Chelsea has finally kicked her Adam habit in the form of the sorta court papers thing he dropped off earlier in the year. When Chelsea visits Miss Monica, a teacher at her hair school, and applies for leave of absence, everyone has to watch Chelsea do the walk of shame out of the classroom and into her Jeep. Man, I hope the 4 weeks…no, 5 weeks, of time off will really get Chelsea back where she needs to be. Which is beauty school and into a permanent residence. One perfectly tied fashion scarf does not a beauty technician make. Team Chelsea - let’s go girl.
Leah Messer-Calvert is newly hitched, newly housed and newly richer from her upped child support provided by Corey Simms. And boom goes the dynamite. Leah, surprisingly hasn’t talked to ol’ Corey since the court date. But we all know the best time to capture their interactions and moments is always the Food Land parking lot. Corey is piiiiiiissed yo…blaming gold-digging Leah on her grubby little hands taking all his money for child support when they agreed on the $100 extra a month out of court. Umm, dude. When the court, an unbiased third party following the law, tells you something…it’s what was going to happen eventually. But Leah did kind of shank him after their initial agreement…which I’m sure took a lot of patience and tongue-holding to establish in the first place.
But whatever, Leah ain’t got no time for all that. Her laaaawryaaar told her she done right and besides, she’s plannin’ her beach weddin’ to Jeremy Calvert and that’s happening in 2 weeks. To add to the chaos of a last minute second marriage, Leah decides that she want to have her biological Daddy, who has been MIA most of her life, to walk her down the aisle this time. So, she vets all the opinions of her family, including her Stepdad who has raised her since kindergarten and been through all the Corey drama…but everyone gives the go-ahead and Leah confirms with her Dad that he’ll be there. After all, this is the do-over for real marriage so it’s best to leave out the camouflage and have all the people she wants there, this time.
Finally, Kailyn Lowry. After deciding against a Vegas shotgun marriage to Javi Marroquin, Kailyn is awaiting news from Javi on his rescheduled Air Force test results. Javi calls with a big ol’ “I passed with flying colors”…and now it’s time to kickstart their new life together. As smart as Kailyn is, I don’t think she really knows what’s in store for her as a military wife. Javi claims that “the test” was the hardest part. Ummmm, no. How about bootcamp for months, then either Javi’s deployment or moving to somewhere less than desireable? But, at least Kailyn has some idea and I believe that Javi and Kailyn make a good and convincingly loveable match…so perhaps it’ll work out after all. But maybe, first, she’ll have to tell Jo about all of this marriage, moving, taking Isaac away from his Dad business. Nah…that’s alright. Kailyn just calls her retained lawyer and asks what will happen with all these impending plans of moving out of state and doing what she wants. Her lawyer assures her that she’ll continue to get what she wants…which is basically almost full custody of Isaac and the man of her dreams with military benefits. Shoot, she doesn’t even have to tell Jo that she’s getting married or moving. Kailyn can just do it and then serve papers and hello! That’s gonna go over great with Jo and Co. But, if we know anything about Kailyn, it’s that she’s gonna do what she wants and get hers. With hints of Javi buying a ring, the two of them getting married, and Jo being told all the good news..I look forward to the future episodes.