• Thu, Apr 4 2013

The Rachel Zoe Project: In Which Rachel Turns Into Carrie Bradshaw

Rachel Zoe Project Season 5 Episode 5 Rodger and Rachel in New York

In this week’s episode of Bravo‘s The Rachel Zoe Project (Season 5, Episode 5, “Maj in Manhattan”), the topic du jour has switched from Rachel’s bangs (which she shockingly stopped mentioning last week) to moving to New York City. As was touched on last week, Rachel wants to get a place in Manhattan so she can wear her 600 coats (her count) in the cold weather. Her husband Rodger, a man who couldn’t care less about coats, would prefer to stay in Los Angeles. They take a trip to New York, and Rachel turns into Carrie Bradshaw.

But before they leave for the big city, Rachel has to oversee her footwear review day, which is like the most important day that will ever be a day. Rachel Zoe employee Marisa is lucky enough to have the only sample size (7) feet in the office, so she plays model. Fortunately she doesn’t seem to be afraid of heights, a fear that would ruin a Rachel Zoe shoe model. Rachel would prefer to give all her shoes nine-inch heels, but she thinks it’s “ironic” that her flats sell the best. I think it’s a sign that the general public prefers not to twist their ankles. But as a recovering heel-wearer, maybe I’m just bitter.

Later, Rachel and Rodger hang out in their enormous living room and admire the multiple miniature antique-style cars lining the floor. What, you don’t do that to unwind in the evening? Weird. Rodger talks about putting the cars together and looking for a bolt, and Rachel, after a moment of hesitation, asks, “What’s a bolt?” Do I even have to say anything else?

Before their big New York trip, Rodger visits Marmaduke Man Candy Mon Dieu! Mandana’s office to give her a consolation prize for not getting to go to Paris. It’s a huge chocolate Eiffel Tower, and Mandana is thrilled. As she says, “It’s food. I love food.” A girl after my own heart.

Meanwhile, Rachel shows up and surprises a group of fans touring her office. She says she thinks they’ll be disappointed, since she’s “painfully normal.” First of all, no. Second of all, they don’t give “painfully normal” people reality shows. Slightly uncomfortably normal, maybe, but not painfully.

And then we finally get to New York City, where Rachel’s “heart,” designer Brian Atwood, gives them the type of warm welcome that involves literally serving Rachel’s son Skyler animal crackers on a silver platter. But, you know, it’s all so painfully normal.

Rachel and Rodger have a lot on their plates, like the disaster area that is their in-progress salon Dream Dry, or the obligation to look at 5-bedroom apartments on the Upper East Side, or explaining to their son about the strange man on the sidewalk: “Yeah, there is a man. He’s crazy.” But, as Rachel says, “at least we get to wear coats.” This leads to her long-winded explanation of all the coats that are necessary to pack for a week-long trip, after which Roger just says, “You realize you have a real sickness…” They’re really doing all the work for me this week.

I bet you’re wondering where this Carrie Bradshaw transformation comes into play. Well, besides being fashion-obsessed in the city, Rachel has the magical opportunity to see herself on the side of a bus. There isn’t a tutu or a splash of dirty street water to go along with it, but the Sex and the City theme was definitely playing in my head. Rachel is so excited she yells at Rodger to take a picture with his phone, even though a reality show camera is currently documenting the moment. Seriously, guys, just take a screenshot later.

Then Rachel has to display the same pickiness Carrie Bradshaw does regarding closet space. She declares that they must turn a bedroom in one apartment into a closet. The second apartment they look at has a balcony larger than the apartment itself, so maybe Rachel will be able to store all her coats out there. They won’t freeze to death or anything… because they’re coats.

The preview for next week’s episode shows Rachel wearing underwear on her head, so… I look forward to analyzing what the hell that’s all about.

(Image: Bravo)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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